A Surprise Ending

God often reveals to us only what we need to know to take us to a particular point in His plan for us and only after we've taken that first step will He tell us what we need to know to get to the next step.

~Tony Evans, "God, Do You Really Care?"

Can I get an Amen on that?

I'm not much on surprises. I like to know how things are going to end. So, the fact that God rarely shares the ending with me is more than a tad frustrating. Well, I do know The Ending...praising Jesus in Heaven forever and ever Amen and Hallelujah. But the endings to certain situations...He's pretty tight-lipped about that. As irritating mysterious as it may be, it's also pretty exciting when God finally reveals what He's been up to.

This week, God's begun to give me glimpses of what He's been working on in my life. Unlike Dorothy's discovery that the Wizard was really just an old man behind a curtain, I'm seeing that my Abba has been doing some pretty amazing things in secret.

When He asked me to give up buying books for a year, it made no sense. Of course I knew it would help my pocketbook, but I didn't see that such a sacrifice could make a significant difference in my life. I was wrong. Putting my love of books/reading into His hands required faith and a dependence on Him. He has been more faithful that I could've ever imagined. I'll share more later this week, but I have been blessed with books, books, and more books since I made that commitment. God wanted to show me that if He's faithful in the little things, He'll also be faithful in the big things. He's opened my eyes to see that when I sacrifice something in His Name, He fills that void with Himself. And it's so much more satisfying than what I'm able to fill it with on my own.

I shared here the realization that I wouldn't see more of Him unless I obeyed Him in the earthly things. I could sense that He wanted to speak some Heavenly things to me, but I didn't know what they were. I kept trying (and sometimes, failing) to follow the earthly commands He was speaking.

It's starting to make sense to me now. I felt a stirring in my heart that started with this post and continued with this one. It is, without a doubt, a MAJOR surprise to me. In fact, if I'd seen the ending first, I may have run in another direction.

Friends, I am praying for confirmation like never before. When I have it, I'll share all the glorious details with you.

As Deep as it Gets (for now)

CJ started summer daycamp this week. At the beginning of each summer, she has to pass a swim test before she's allowed in the deep end of the pool. Pretty easy for a former swim team member. Still, she really doesn't like having to take the test. She feels she's proven herself already. Why go through it again?

I've been asking myself the same question. I've been working hard these past months to change my life...my family's life...and it's still not done. I think I'm getting there, and another obstacle pops up out of nowhere. Another test to pass, deeper waters to navigate. Maybe that's what life really is...a series of tests. Some we pass with flying colors and others trip us up before we're out of the blocks.

When I look back at the progress I've made during the first half of my pursuit of peace and simplicity, I am amazed by what God's done. I'm also frustrated that we're not further (farther?) along. Part of me thought that it might all be finished by now, yet I have the distinct feeling that the upcoming part of the journey is going to be much bumpier than the first half.

Falling to the depths...stripping everything away and letting it go...was scary. Leaving it there and climbing back up the mountain...learning to live life without all the excess baggage...will be exhausting & perhaps even excruciating. Yet uphill I must go.

I’m pressing on the upward way,
New heights I’m gaining every day;
Still praying as I’m onward bound,
Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

-Higher Ground
Lyrics by Johnson Oatman, Jr.

And Deeper

Having no time for quality Bible study this morning, I decided that my family would be best served if I cleaned the kitchen. I'm not sure why I felt I could accomplish that task, yet didn't have time to spend with the Lord, but anyway...

I figured I could at least have some quality worship time while I worked, so I clipped on my iPod Shuffle. Even though I'd made excuses not to talk to God this morning, He obviously wanted to talk to me. Within 10 seconds, I found myself in the midst of tears. Not just eye-glistening tears, but a full-out UGLY cry.

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
~Sara Groves, "When the Saints"

I was overcome by the knowledge that I'll be in glory with Paul and Silas one day. That there will be people in Heaven who've gone before...who've been so faithful and courageous. And I'm so NOT.

The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them.

~Acts 16:22-25

God has brought this story to me several times in the past month. I haven't taken the time to really think about it, because it's a story I've heard many times before. Sitting here now, I am finally paying attention to the end of Verse 25 - the other prisoners were listening to them. Paul and Silas were in the middle of extraordinarily difficult circumstances, yet they chose to praise God. And while they praised Him, others were listening.

I thought about the complaining I've done lately, and about how much I put myself first. Others are listening. How can I think my life is hard? I didn't have time for Bible study this morning because I overslept. I'd stayed up late reading a book. I should've been on my knees praying for our mission teams in Africa and Peru. I should've been thanking God for the hundreds of salvations the Peru team has seen in just a few short days. Instead, I was reading about a fictitious missionary.

And I want to be one of the saints?

God didn't call me to Peru or Africa. This time. He hasn't pulled me away from my soft bed or my sturdy home. I haven't had to survive without running water or proper clothing. My life is pretty comfortable. Yet sometimes, I find it difficult to sing his praises.

And I want to be one of the saints?

The burdens I carry are light compared to what other believers endure. They are a mere vapor compared to what Jesus suffered for me. Doesn't He deserve more from my life?

I guess I needed another reminder that it's not about me.