Thankful Thursday

We celebrated my girl's 14th birthday this week. The Lord has given us many reasons to be grateful these past 14 years. This week, I've been thankful for:

~watching her blow out those 14 candles, surrounded by a band of giggling girls

~her stand for something she believes in strongly, even though it's been hard and has pulled her away from people she cares about

~the way God is growing her through this difficult situation.  Watching Him work in her life takes my breath away.

~coming home early from work one day, only to find her studying with classical music playing in the background

~watching her read while I prepared dinner. I nearly asked her to put the book down and help me. Then I remembered all the years I've struggled to get her to read outside of school, and I kept quiet.

~her compassion for those in need

~that her pick for Celebrity Day at school was someone to be admired, rather than one of the many lesser options out there. (True, her decision was made easier because she has the hair to pull it off!)

~picking her up from practice and listening to her enthusiastically tell me about her day. The words come so fast I can hardly understand them all. I drink them in as much as I can, because I fear the alternative.

My girl is far from perfect, but as her Daddy said this week, "She's a good kid." And she is. Not because of her. Not because of her parents. Only because of God.

For you formed my inward parts; 

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

~Psalm 139:13

On Her 13th Birthday

When they placed her on my chest, I couldn't hold her. Anesthesia numbed my limbs and my brain. Somewhere in the fog, my Dad cared for me while my husband cared for his new girl. I still remember the tears that brightened his eyes.  The smile that showed his joy, masking his uncertainty. The weight of this new responsibility heavy upon his shoulders.

He held her first. 

Unlike most babies, she said "Mama" first. But she's still a Daddy's girl. Thirteen years later, that bond they forged there in the hospital nursery is stronger than ever. He still gets teary-eyed over her. The smile is still full of joy and uncertainty. The weight of raising a teenage girl in these times, heavy.

He's never let go.

**********

Before she was born, I thought I knew much about being a parent. Today, as I think over the first thirteen years of her life, I realize I only know two things for certain.

The days are long, but the years are short. Thirteen years have passed by in a blur. I had no idea life would move so fast.

Time is growing shorter. Soon, she'll be leaving our home. I must use the time we have left wisely. I am so incredibly thankful that God can - and will - work in her life to make up for my insufficiency. (I'm learning much from this book.)

**********

These thirteen years of being her mother have brought depths of joy and pain I cannot describe. They have humbled me in ways I could not have imagined.  They have changed my life.

I thank God for each and every day He's allowed me to be her mother. I pray He'll allow many more.

Less Than Perfect

I glanced at the report card and back at her, tears streaming down her face.

Knowing this would someday come doesn't lessen the pain. It's there, ugly and uncontrollable. She puddles before me, all preteen hormones and disappointment.

I fold her into my arms, speak soothing tones as my hands brush through those tousled curls I envy and adore. But what consolation is there when you realize that you tried so hard and came up just short? When the hope of perfection shatters into a thousand tiny shards that slice you to the very core?

Later I tell my parents the story. My mom smiles knowingly. The apple didn't fall far from the tree. I still remember too well those years of striving - needing - to be perfect. So afraid to fail and disappoint anyone that I nearly destroyed myself.

Is this the legacy I'm leaving my daughter?

There are many things I want to pass down to her.

~quilts made by my great-grandmothers

~family Bibles filled with scribbles of generations before us, lessons learned and heritages traced

~a love of classical music

~the joy of reading

There are many things I hope to cultivate in her.

~a hunger for the Word, written and made flesh

~a heart of gratitude

~a spirit of contentment and obedience

~an appreciation of God's mercy and grace

But this - this need to be my own redemption, my own accomplishment? I never wanted her to feel the sense of hopelessness that ruled over me for years.

And yet God used that very thing to bring me to Him. It wasn't until I accepted my glaring insufficiency that I could accept His complete sufficiency.

I long to instill this truth in her heart, berate myself for not doing a better job. The dull ache in the pit of my stomach comes fierce.  Sometimes I forget that I am not sufficient

to live the life I desperately crave

to love those around me with the love of Jesus

to praise Him as He deserves

to pass down anything of lasting worth to my daughter, except the One alone whose grace is sufficient.

I cannot change my heart or hers. I can only grab her hand and bring her alongside, together learning to accept His marvelous, scandalous, miraculous, infinite, and all-sufficient grace.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Godly Gals

I was honored when Melissa @ Mel's World asked me to write for her weekly feature, Godly Gals. She's featured some amazing women, and I'm proud to keep company with them.

You can click over here to read the message the Spirit impressed on my heart.

Hard Things

In fourth grade, I talked my parents into letting me take piano lessons. Two of my older cousins played beautifully, and I wanted to be like them. My parents rented a piano and found me a teacher. They even bought me a nifty book by Liberace that color-coded the keys (anyone else remember that one?). I was all set to achieve musical greatness.

Then I learned that to play well, I'd have to practice.

It was too much, too hard. Less than two years after I started lessons (and just a few months after my parents broke down and bought the piano), I quit. I didn't like the effort involved. It was easier to walk away than continue with something that didn't come easily.

It was the first of many times.

Now (much) older and (not so much) wiser, I realize that quitting is for...well, quitters. I don't want CJ to be a quitter. I want her to learn that life is full of hard things, that hard things aren't always bad things, and that the satisfaction of looking a hard thing in the eye and not flinching is priceless.

It's a tough battle, friends. But one that I can't quit. Because this time, quitting means I'd be teaching my girl to take the easy way out. She deserves more than that.

More to come...

For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again - Proverbs 24:16 (NASB)

Daddy's Girl

During prayer time in worship last Sunday, CJ turned to R and prayed with him. He sweetly suggested that she pray with me since it was Mother's Day. (brownie points for him!) She did, and the little twinge of hurt I'd felt was quickly forgotten. I'm used to it. She's a bona fide, true blue Daddy's Girl. I love that about her.

Last week was the tough week of our shift rotation. R was working evenings, which meant that CJ only saw him in the mornings before school. The weekend was packed with the usually busyness that accompanies May, and Monday morning arrived without CJ spending a lot of time with her dad. This week, R's working day shift. Lucky him, he missed the Monday morning meltdown/yelling match. I was at my wit's end, ready to throw my hands in the air and just give her the house and leave (anyone else remember that episode of "The Cosby Show" when Cliff tells Claire that he realizes the kids have been battling them all these years because they wanted the house?).

The morning wrestling match and a long day at work exhausted me. After dinner, I sent R and CJ outside to play ball. I watched as R worked with her on her skills, gently teaching her the proper and better way to play. That 30 minutes of playing catch changed CJ's entire demeanor. She came in smiling and giggling. Having some quality, uninterrupted "Daddy time" made her world right again.

Time with my Abba does the same for me. A few minutes here or there may make me feel as though everything's okay. After all, I'm still seeing Him every day. I know He's there, and that He loves me. But I can't thrive without quality time...long talks and His gentle instruction on the proper and better way to live. When I spend that kind of time with Him, my perspective and attitude are changed. Meltdowns are less frequent. I smile and love more. The world around me knows that I, too, am a Daddy's Girl.

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple.

- Psalm 27:4 (ESV)

The Hard Road - Part II

Why have I shared our journey on this hard road? (Please read Part I if you haven't already.)

For one thing, I realize that I may unintentionally paint a portrait that everything's always peachy keen in our home. I've told R several times lately that I feel like we are in the midst of an especially sweet season of life. If you could peek into our home, you'd hear yelling some days (mostly me) and frustrated sighs (again, mostly me). You'd see unfinished projects and unpaid bills. But you'd also see a family that, at its heart, loves Jesus and each other.

We are not perfect. I am not perfect. As I commented to Meredith on her post (which, along with the comments, is a great read) I try to be real...to share some struggles, while being careful to honor my husband and our family.

I did open up about this particular event because I hope it will encourage others. God can take a horrible sin and use it for His glory. Would I have chosen for CJ to see pornography? Of course not. Do I wish I had been able to have "the talk" with her on my terms and in my time? Surely, I do. Am I angry that Satan robbed me of that right? You better believe it.

But God...

I have seen Him use this for our good. CJ & I have had many talks after that first day. Everything from choosing friends (remember her tug-of-war analogy? That conversation was a response to this event) to following God's plan for your life. It's an ongoing dialogue. I never know when she'll be prompted to ask a question, so I'm rarely prepared. She keeps me on my toes, this precious girl of mine.

One of my first prayers was for God to protect CJ's mind, and for her to realize that what she saw had absolutely nothing to do with love or God's plan for marriage. Given our current culture, that's a daily battle. Take, for example, the "family" tv show CJ tuned into last week:

We'll go out. He'll get into my bed. Then, all of a sudden, it will be a relationship.

The world has so cheapened God's gift to husbands and wives that we don't value it as the priceless treasure it is. And if we don't, how will our children?

This experience has stressed to me the great importance of being vigilant in my watch over my daughter. Not to imprison her, but to free her. To teach her to stand for God's Word. To guide her to be a woman who, above all else, honors Him. To help her seek Him and find the Promised Land and blessings He has in store.

It's the desire of my heart for my girl, and I won't accept anything less.

Memorize these laws and think about them. Write down copies and tie them to your wrists and your foreheads to help you obey them. Teach them to your children. Talk about them all the time--whether you're at home or walking along the road or going to bed at night, or getting up in the morning. Write them on the door frames of your homes and on your town gates. Then you and your descendants will live a long time in the land that the LORD promised your ancestors. Your families will live there as long as the sky is above the earth.

Deut. 11:18-21 (CEV)

The Hard Road: Part I

We need to talk.

Four words. Twelve little letters. One enormous impact.

CJ had spent the night with a friend. When the girl's mother approached me that morning, I had no idea what had happened the night before. I didn't know my little girl's innocence had been destroyed.

It was as easy as 1-2-3.

One computer. Two young girls. Three pornographic videos.

Even now, months later, I'm battling with how to share this. I could cast blame (and I did). I could cry (believe me, I have). I could share the sordid details, but that would serve no purpose.

R was not with me. At first, I was stunned. Slowly the realization crept in, and I was devastated. I thought I would fall apart. I prayed, alone and with someone I respect and trust. Others were praying over me, although they didn't know what was going on. When CJ and I were alone, I carefully broached the subject with her. I didn't want to go into any more detail than necessary, because at the time I wasn't sure what she saw. When she told me, I nearly got sick.

But God...

Those prayers immediately started working. The Holy Spirit grabbed control of my mouth, and led me in a beautiful discussion about a horrid event. God did an amazing work in that time. I don't think I fully understood until I recently read Spectacular Sins: And Their Global Purpose in the Glory of Christ. As John Piper so eloquently states

[The Bible] has shown us over and over that sin and sickness and disaster never escape the good governance of the infinitely wise God...the great divine dictum holds: "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 50:20).

It's been a hard road, but God has been faithful. We will not let this one moment in time redefine our lives, though it has certainly caused us to be more careful. The toughest part is knowing that I can't always be there to protect CJ. Yet I am so grateful her Heavenly Father is there. He is watching over her, and I am called to trust Him even in this.

More to come...

So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages].

~Isaiah 26:4 (AMP)

Me, According to CJ

I stole this from Meredith & His Girl, because it looked like so much fun. I asked CJ the questions, and posted her answers. My comments are in italics.

1. What is something your mom always says to you? I love you. (She's right)

2. What makes your mom happy? Me & Daddy. (Again!)

3. What makes your mom sad? When I do something bad at school (Ummm...that would be mad)

4. How does your mom make you laugh? She tickles me & she says funny things. (this was a surprise)

5. What was your mom like as a child? She liked to play outside with her dolls. (Practically the only way my mom could get me to go out was if I could take my Barbies)

6. How old is your mom? 41 (After this post, I don't think that's a secret)

7. How tall is your mom? 5'8" (I wish. I'm 5'6")

8. What is her favorite thing to do? Read (She knows me so well)

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? Clean the house (and so much more)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? Writing (not quite)

11. What is your mom really good at? Being a mom (aww....)

12. What is your mom not very good at? Being patient (sad, but true)

13. What does your mom do for a job? Works for a lawyer (right-o)

14. What is your mom's favorite food? Salad (not even close)

15. What makes you proud of your mom? Achieving her goals (if she only knew)

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? Candace from Phineas & Ferb (except for the long-neck, this is probably a pretty accurate choice)

17. What do you and your mom do together? Go shopping (she wishes!)

18. How are you and your mom the same? We're girls (well, yeah)

19. How are you and your mom different? She's older than I am (that's obvious!)

20. How do you know your mom loves you? She takes care of me (aww...again!)

21. What does your mom like most about your dad? She thinks he's sexy (oh, yes he is!)

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? Church (one of them)

As a Mom...

In response to my open invitation, Jennifer asked:

What do you think you do best as far as housewifely duties? What do you struggle with? And if you want, you could tackle the same questions about marriage and parenting.

In order to have more blogging material fully answer Jennifer's questions, I'm going to focus on them separately. First up, parenting.

We're right smack in the middle of tweendom, which is an emotional roller coaster not just for CJ, but for everyone in our household. In fact, there are times I feel as if I'm walking a tight rope and riding a roller coaster at the same time! Trying to maintain my balance while helping her deal with the ups and downs of hormones isn't for the faint of heart. A few days ago, it was "don't talk to me". This week we've entered the weepy part of the ride, so my job is to coddle and provide extra tender loving care. Anyone with a 10 -12 year old daughter can relate (oh, please! tell me you can relate!). One minute she frustrates me to no end, and the next she melts my heart.

Yet if I'm being perfectly honest, I have to admit that my biggest struggles as a parent are the result of my own sin rather than CJ's...specifically my lack of patience and unrealistic expectations. As I mulled over Jennifer's question, I thought about how many times CJ's told me that I expect things to be perfect. I believe, in her mind, this translates into expecting her to be perfect. I am a perfectionist, but I am far, FAR, F.A.R. from perfect. Still, this is obviously an ongoing struggle for me because I first blogged about it nearly three years ago.

I am mortified that CJ wrestles the perfectionist demon, as I have and still do. It's the trait I least wanted to pass along to her, but she has it in spades. Living with it in myself is tough. Knowing how to parent a child with the same trait is much tougher.

As far as what I do best, I wish I could say it's to show CJ how much I love her daddy and our Jesus, for that's truly my heart's desire. I decided that CJ could give the most accurate answer.

"I get lots of things I want." (Maybe I should list that as my biggest struggle!)

So I asked her if that was seriously the best thing about having me as her mom. She thought about it for a minute and finally said, "You love me and you take good care of me."

Good thing I didn't ask her last week. There's no telling what her answer would've been.

Wise Beyond Her Years

CJ celebrated her 10th birthday in October. I took her hitting double digits pretty hard. I was hoping to hold on to my baby a wee bit longer. In the past two months, she's had to do more growing up than I would've liked. One instance, I'm not ready to share yet. The other, the death of a schoolmate. Through it all, she's shown a level of maturity and insight that has blessed me and made me so proud to be her Mama.

Certain recent circumstances have caused us to spend much time talking about choosing friends wisely. One afternoon, I was telling her that it's okay to be friendly with non-believers...but that it never works to be the only believer in a group of non-believing friends.

It's kinda' like tug-of-war, Mama.

Oh, really?

Yeah. If you're the only Christian on one side and all unbelieving friends are on the other, they'll pull you down every time.

Hmmm...I'd never thought about it like that before, but she's right.

Just as I thought life was returning to semi-normal, there was the school tragedy. I'm so grateful that God had arranged CJ's Wednesday night church class so that the topic was the age of accountability. In fact, we'd had a long discussion about it on the way home that night. Two short days later, my girl found great comfort in knowing that her schoolmate (4 years old) is in Heaven with Jesus. She didn't have to wonder or worry...she already knew. That knowledge has made it much easier for her to cope with the loss and with the changes at school.

And just this week, the 5th grade class voted for the yearbook superlatives. I guess they get to participate in this tradition (which I loathe) because they're the "seniors" of the elementary school. I'm not sure why anyone in their right mind would subject tweens or teens to this type of judgment. I nearly cringed when CJ told me about it, but then found myself fighting back the tears.

I knew I wouldn't get any of them, but I don't care. I know I'm creative and I know I have a good personality, so it doesn't matter who got them.

Given my perfectionist/people-pleasing tendencies, this is a lesson I'd do well to learn.

Without a doubt, my girl is growing up. She's not perfect. We argue over clothing, the computer, and her penchant for procrastination. I hear the signals of the fast approaching hormone train, and it terrifies me. Yet when I look past those things, I see in her a wisdom and a love for Jesus that is remarkable...and I'm so very grateful for the blessing He's given in allowing me to be a part of this special girl's life.

Who Says God isn't in the Public Schools?

CJ's writing assignment this week...

I am Thankful

I am thankful for God the most. The reason why I am thankful for Him the most is because he died on the cross to save our sins. I am also thankful for my parents because they take care of me and take me places and feed me. Another thing is my Church family. They love me and take care of me. One more reason is my house and clothes. My house is something to live under. My clothes keep me warm.

************

On a day when we found out about layoffs at R's job, I needed to read this! We are praising God that R still has a job, but 50 people are losing theirs next week. The Lord keeps telling me over & over to TRUST. That is my prayer.

Pretty appropriate that, before I even knew about this, I chose this verse for Memory Monday with Joanne:

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
~Psalm 16:5-6 (NIV)

It's Just Not Fair

CJ's week:

Monday - home with Daddy, working on garage vinyl siding & napping (NOT at the same time)
Tuesday - amusement park with Daddy, Grandma, aunt, uncle & cousins
Wednesday - library craft day & swimming at a friends' house
Thursday - with friend & her teenagers...cheeseburgers at the drug store lunch counter & making jewelry
Friday - morning with Nanny & Poppy, then back to the amusement park with Mommy & BFF

My week:

Monday - work
Tuesday - work
Wednesday - work
Thursday - work
Friday - work in the morning, then try to keep up with 2 tweens at the amusement park

Sometimes, I really miss being a kid.

Such Sweetness

Yesterday, I told CJ that I had purchased some Bible studies for tweens so that she & I could work on one together this summer. She picked one out last night, and immediately dove in. She got so excited, she asked if she could put her study materials on the table where I keep mine. She disappeared to her room and came back with a pencil, pen, 2 highlighters, and a notebook to go with her Bible and study book. She was going to make it all fit alongside my things, but I happily relinquished my spot so that she could have one.

She set her alarm 15 minutes early. My heart nearly burst when she told me she wanted to get up this morning to read the Word, so that she could think about it all day.

I could feel our Father smiling at us having church on a Monday morning: me on one sofa with my prayer journal in hand, R on the other with his Sunday School lesson before him, and CJ in the recliner reading the Word and jotting down notes. It was one of the most tender, sacred moments I have ever experienced in my life.

Tonight may be a different story. After all, CJ is 9 1/2 and as full of attitude as she is hormones. But I will savor today as one when I saw the glory of God revealed.

*******
If you're interested in the studies (for girls only), you can click here. This is the one CJ picked. This author has a series of study books that have fiction companion books. I don't have the fiction books yet, but I'm ordering them this week.

Finding a Chore Plan that Works

I don't have many things posted on the side of my fridge, but CJ's Chore Chart is there. Sadly, glancing at the chore chart only serves to remind me that I'm not so great at making CJ follow through on those chores. It worked for a while. Then as homework, activities...and c'mon, let's be honest, attitude...have increased, my enforcement of the chore list has decreased.

It's been a subject I've avoided until recently, when I realized that if I'm going to have a peaceful and simple home, CJ's got to pull her weight. Likewise, I can't shirk this parenting responsibility any longer. I put off confronting the issue (and the cat fight that would surely ensue) as long as I possibly could, but I finally worked up enough courage to devise a new plan.

Rather than following a chore chart that really isn't worth the paper it's printed on, I've given CJ a list of her responsibilities. As a member of the family team, she contributes by taking care of her things. That means she empties her backpack and lunch box, picks up her things from the living room, and cleans her room and playroom (she has lists posted behind both doors to define a "clean room"). Those are the non-negotiable, unpaid duties. (To be honest, I don't require that she make her bed every day because mornings are choreographed to the minute, and I don't make mine every day since R and I often have to sleep at different times because of his shift rotation.)

She has the chance to earn money for doing extras (mainly on Saturdays) - laundry, dusting, mowing the lawn, etc. She cannot earn any money unless she's taken care of her primary responsibilities. The money she earns is for "treats" - candy at the ballgame, trips to the dollar store, and trinkets she wants to purchase. Mom and Dad are not bankrolling her spending any more.

I've read varying opinions on making a child's allowance contingent upon chores. We're taking this approach for three reasons:

First, we don't get paid unless we work. CJ needs to learn to work.

Second, she's not getting paid for doing what's expected as a member of the family. She's earning money for surpassing those expectations.

Third, we're tired of paying for everything CJ gets. She doesn't get everything she wants, but like most children, she's not above pitching a fit when she doesn't. Since she knows up front that we won't be purchasing "extra" items anymore (except for rare occasions), she can set goals and determine what she wants most. I'm willing to bet she'll soon realize that many items she thinks are necessities are, in fact, luxuries. If I'd only learned that sooner myself!

So far, the new chore plan is working. I don't have to nag her to get things done (money = incentive). She's taking care of her things, and has been a tremendous help to me. Tackling extra responsibilities makes her feel more mature. I'm hoping she'll learn the value of money and how to make wise spending choices.

I don't know that it's a perfect plan, but it sure beats the guilt of staring at a useless chore chart every day!

*updated to add: in response to Mary's question, CJ is 9 1/2. Basically, she does what I ask (and sometimes gets motivated to do more). I like not assigning chores, because now we don't argue that she didn't do something on her list. This was huge for us...because she tends to avoid things she "has" to do. She would do laundry instead of emptying trash cans. Well, whatever she does is something I don't have to do & I'm okay with that. (How can I gripe about emptying trash cans, but expect her to do it?). So far she hasn't complained when I asked her to do something extra. Again, money is a great motivator!

My Dearest Daughter

(Photo from MSN clipart)

Well, it's late and you've finally gone to sleep. I'm already looking forward to the morning, when I'll be able to see your smile again.

For nine months, almost every person I knew (and even some I didn't!) tried to tell me how much my life would change when you arrived. I tried to smile and be a good sport, as if I agreed with their wealth of wisdom. But inside I was thinking "Yeah, right. I'll make some adjustments, but I'm not going to be one of those people who lets having a child change her entire life."

God must have gotten a big kick out of that, because I'm sure He knew that motherhood would bring so many things I wasn't prepared for. Things like:

*Being so tired sometimes that I can hardly remember my own name
*Having to take a tour of our county at 3:30 a.m., to get you to go to sleep
*Thinking that 4 1/2 hours is a "good night's sleep"
*Calling myself "Mommy"
*Being amused with a game of "peep eyes" for 45 minutes
*Checking on you at night, and feeling as though my heart is lying in that crib
*Wondering if I'll ever eat a hot meal again
*The strength required to carry you in your "pumpkin seat"
*Having lost the baby weight, but still looking pregnant
*Not being able to wear my wedding ring yet
*Having cereal spit in my face
*The way my heart stops when I see you & Daddy playing together
*Not needing an excuse to watch cartoons anymore
*Crying every time I see another child hurt
*How good you smell sometimes
*How bad you smell sometimes
*Looking at you, and wondering if my mom could've possibly felt the same way about me
*Being so forgetful
*How much fun it is to hold you in my arms and dance around the living room, singing along with the radio
*When you can't stop crying, wanting to scream, "Why me, Lord?!"
*Other times, when I feel so incredibly blessed, that I whisper, "Why me, Lord?"
*Actually discussing, and caring about, which diaper brand is best
*Having my daily vocabulary include words like "poopy", "pie-pie", and "Boo Bear" (your nickname)
*How often I stop working during the day and think about how much I miss you
*Making up silly songs
*A diaper, after you've eaten carrots
*The way my heart melts when you smile
*Constantly wondering if I'm doing this "mother thing" right

I could keep adding to this list. Every day brings something I didn't expect. Although I had time to plan for you, you came into my life like a whirlwind, touching every corner of my world. Being your Mommy has been the most challenging journey of my life, and the first thing that I've known I can't do on my own.

Before you arrived, I was a confident, career-minded, in-charge-of-my-life, organized, and fairly intelligent woman. I hope you get to meet her someday, because she was pretty cool. But, for now at least, she's been replaced by your Mommy!

*****
I wrote this when my daughter was 6 months old. It seems an appropriate entry in Scribbit's Write-Away contest, "My Life is Different Because...". I've shared the story of CJ's birth here. Indeed, 9 years later, this miracle of God continues to touch my life in unexpected ways every day.

Before CJ, I was a woman. Now I'm a mother, and that's made all the difference.

Thankful Thursday & A Call to Prayer

CJ is singing in church on Sunday. The title of the song is simply "Pray". I asked her to sing it for me last night. Let me tell you, the Holy Spirit ministered to me through her soft, wobbly voice! I don't remember the order of the lyrics, but I know a couple of lines:

Pray when you're happy. Pray when you're worried. Pray when you don't know what to do. Pray without ceasing. Pray. Just pray.

It reminded me of something I'd written a couple of years ago, that I don't believe I've shared on the blog.

“Mama, this is the most important thing I’ve ever gotten!” CJ exclaimed. She was so excited because a missionary couple from our church had put together a prayer board just for her … various pictures of the couple and the countries they are going to minister in. On the back, they had written a special note to let CJ know how important her prayers are to them.

CJ’s fascination with this couple and their upcoming mission has touched their hearts, as well as mine. Though she was faithful to pray for them before, I have no doubt this is going to kick her prayer life into overdrive.

God has given CJ an amazing gift of prayer. When she hears a prayer need, she doesn’t just say “I’ll be praying for you” and then forget it. She has a genuine interest in whatever she is praying for, and is consistent in her prayers until the need is met. Oh, how I wish I had such a heart for prayer! Too often, I commit to pray for a need, and then tuck it into the back of my brain … where it is soon forgotten.

Jesus spent a lot of time talking to His disciples about the power of prayer. After the Resurrection, they finally started to realize the truth of His teaching. We may find ourselves judging the disciples for their lack of faith, but do we really believe that prayer is the key to the Kingdom of Heaven? If so, why aren’t we praying more and complaining less? We have the assurance that if we ask in God’s will, it shall be accomplished. Our prayers can release angels of Heaven to carry out God’s plan, and can keep Satan’s army at bay. In their note to CJ, the missionaries reminded her that her prayers can take Jesus to people on the other side of the world. God is listening. Why aren’t we asking?

Beyond our petitions, prayer is a time to discover God’s purpose for our lives. We can relax in the freedom of being our true selves and revel in His extravagant love. In prayer, we experience His presence in a way nothing else can match. When CJ was 3, she once told me that we can touch God. Then she held out her hands, closed her eyes, and said “Let’s touch Him now.” I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live.

The enemy is attacking as never before. He is trying to frustrate us and make us ineffective Kingdom workers. We are surrounded by moral decay, pain and suffering. The only way we can stand is to hit our knees. Isn’t it time to get serious about prayer?

The prayer board will find a place of honor in our home. Although the gift was meant for CJ, God has used it to prick my heart. Not only will the board remind CJ that her prayers are important … it will remind her mother that a strong prayer life is vital. I’m ready to release some angels … aren’t you?

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I'm thankful for a daughter with a heart for prayer & worship. I'm also thankful for this missionary couple. (2 years later, we still have the prayer board!) They need your prayers, especially this weekend.

I'm also thankful that we'll be vacationing next week! I'll be back tomorrow to post the winner of the magazine giveaway, but then I'm outta' here!

Now head to Iris' to see who else is giving some praise!

Melissa

What Can I Say...She's Right!

CJ started day camp at the local YMCA on Tuesday. After spending just one afternoon in the pool (with 30 SPF), she's darker than I'd get if I were to quit my job & do nothing but sunbathe for the next 10 years. Thankfully, she has skin like her Daddy's. But, she freckles like her Mama.

When I picked her up Tuesday I told her I could tell she'd gotten some sun. She pulled down the mirror and said, "I hate my freckles, but they sure make me look cuter."


All I could do was agree...

Melissa

One More Night

It's Friday afternoon. I'm home, waiting for my man. We're going to pick up a pizza and watch "Ocean's 12" (I think that should qualify for the Honor Your Husband challenge!) We'll enjoy a quiet night at home, before he turns in early. He has to get back up at 2:00 a.m. to head off for a deep sea fishing trip (see how much I'm honoring him?!) Once he's in bed, I'll venture back to CJ's room and get it ready for her return. I'm going to pick my baby up from camp tomorrow (with the right directions!)! I'm so excited, I can hardly stand it! This week at home has been very different, to say the least.

As much as we've missed her, this week was fantastic. R and I had a chance to really connect again. Not that I don't love him to pieces anyway, but it was nice to really remember why I fell in love with him. And it was nice to be the only girl in his life, for a change. He truly is my best friend. I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. We were married for 5 1/2 years when CJ came into our home and our hearts. This week was a reminder of those days when we were just starting out and it was just us against the world. Aaahh...good times.

The past 8 1/2 years, however, have been the best times. CJ made our family complete. Days without her giggles and insights are less sunny. Bedtimes without her hugs can be downright miserable. R said we've gotten a glimpse of what college is going to be like. I nearly hit him!

So, the girl returns home tomorrow and all will be right with the world! At least for two weeks...until she heads off to another (shorter) camp. I'll try really hard not to cry this time, though.

Melissa

Camp Update, Obedience & a Challenge

We took CJ to camp yesterday. The place is beautiful - a 400 acre farm with nearly 20 horses, tennis courts, an archery range, go-cart track, & a man-made lake. I left her making new friends & giggling away. R & I stopped to have dinner on the way home, enjoyed a ride of conversation without interruption, and settled in for a movie.

As soon as the ending credits started rolling, it hit me that my little girl was going to bed without me tucking her in. Poor R! Tears started flowing. Fortunately, he's had plenty of practice in calming me down over the years. My tears caught me off guard. I thought I'd cried enough Saturday night, and that I'd be fine until about Thursday. But bedtime was tough for me.

I hope it wasn't nearly as tough for her.

We can't talk to her until Saturday. I'll be able to see pictures on-line every night and I can send her cards & emails. But I won't hear her voice until we pick her up Saturday. The reality of that is setting in.

I took the day off. R's at work until this evening. I have the next 10 hours alone. So, I'm going to put on my iPod, and get moving to organize my laundry room & our bedroom closet. But first, I need to finish the obedience series.

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A couple of weeks ago, close friends lost a family member in a horrible car accident. I never know what to say in times of tragedy, because it's so hard to make sense of what God's doing. I guess the trick is to realize we can't wrap our human minds around God, and to just TRUST that He's working.

My friends came to church the Sunday following the accident. God specifically told me that I needed to pray with them during altar call. I realized I wouldn't know how to pray for them, and quickly decided to pray with someone else. During the altar call, I literally watched God take away every other person I intended to pray with rather than be obedient to Him. Finally, in the third stanza of the invitation hymn, I walked to the back of the church to pray with my friends. I didn't know what to say, but He took over & took care of it.

The wife called me that night to thank me for being obedient. While I was arguing with God, she was seeking Him. When she saw me walking toward the back of the church, she prayed I would stop at their row. Her insistence in prayer moved the Holy Spirit to move me! I was humbled, and ashamed that I had been so stubborn. I was unspeakably grateful that He still allowed me to be part of that sweet, sweet moment.

Acknowledge and take to heart this day that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth below. There is no other. Keep his decrees and
commands, which I am giving you today, so that it may go well with you and your children after you and that you may live long in the land the Lord your God gives you for all time. -Deuteronomy 4:39-40

#5 - Obedience Brings Blessing - When we trust Him and do what He tells us, we will bless others & He will bless us. There will be times the things He asks us to do won't make sense. We won't understand. We won't like it. We'll be stubborn. We'll miss out.

But in those times when we can put ourselves aside and JUST DO IT, He'll be glorified. We may see it, and we may not. But He promises to bless us if we simply obey.

I don't know about you, but I could use some blessing. So could the people in my life. Particularly my husband. Christine at Fruit in Season has started a 30-day challenge to honor our husbands. Scripture calls us to bring honor to our husbands. I can't think of a better way to put what I've learned about obedience into practice!

My Goals for the Week:

1 - Like Christine, I need to greet R when he gets home from work. Too many times, I'm at the computer or on the couch.

2- Leave him love notes this week, telling him how much I appreciate him.

3- Remember to speak kindly TO him and ABOUT him.

Want to join me? Head over to Fruit in Season & link away!


Melissa