April 9, 2009

The Hard Road: Part I

We need to talk.

Four words. Twelve little letters. One enormous impact.

CJ had spent the night with a friend. When the girl's mother approached me that morning, I had no idea what had happened the night before. I didn't know my little girl's innocence had been destroyed.

It was as easy as 1-2-3.

One computer. Two young girls. Three pornographic videos.

Even now, months later, I'm battling with how to share this. I could cast blame (and I did). I could cry (believe me, I have). I could share the sordid details, but that would serve no purpose.

R was not with me. At first, I was stunned. Slowly the realization crept in, and I was devastated. I thought I would fall apart. I prayed, alone and with someone I respect and trust. Others were praying over me, although they didn't know what was going on. When CJ and I were alone, I carefully broached the subject with her. I didn't want to go into any more detail than necessary, because at the time I wasn't sure what she saw. When she told me, I nearly got sick.

But God...

Those prayers immediately started working. The Holy Spirit grabbed control of my mouth, and led me in a beautiful discussion about a horrid event. God did an amazing work in that time. I don't think I fully understood until I recently read Spectacular Sins: And Their Global Purpose in the Glory of Christ. As John Piper so eloquently states

[The Bible] has shown us over and over that sin and sickness and disaster never escape the good governance of the infinitely wise God...the great divine dictum holds: "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good" (Genesis 50:20).

It's been a hard road, but God has been faithful. We will not let this one moment in time redefine our lives, though it has certainly caused us to be more careful. The toughest part is knowing that I can't always be there to protect CJ. Yet I am so grateful her Heavenly Father is there. He is watching over her, and I am called to trust Him even in this.

More to come...

So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages].
~Isaiah 26:4 (AMP)


Julie said...

This really hit me hard. I have an 8-month-old boy, and it's difficult not to spend all my time worrying about him. I'll join in praying for your family.

stephanie@{Olive Tree} said...

Oh, I am so sorry for your Mommy heart. Praise God for the wisdom He gave you as you talked to your daughter and for continued wisdom in days ahead. I tremble when I think of the days ahead for my girls. (((Hugs)))

His Girl said...

my heart breaks for the loss of innocence.

and my mommy neurosis needs to know how to make sure that never ever happens here.

and hopes it hasn't already.

oh, ick.

can't wait to see what else you have ahead

Carrie said...

Just the fact that you are ready to share shows how much God has done and is doing in yours and your family's life. He's on the move!

This is a hard post, yes. And honest post, most definitely. And a delicately beautiful one as well. God can make all things new and I can't WAIT to hear what The Rest of The Story is!

Leah in Iowa said...

What a heart-breaking thing!! Praying you learn all the lessons God has for you in this situation, and for continued wisdom and discretion.

Jennifer, Snapshot said...

Oh that's SO hard! I worry about that myself with Amanda and computers and friends. It's a tough world to grow up in today.

Heather C said...

My heart is hurting right along with yours. I'm thanking God for the divine discernment He gave you in your talk, and also for placing saints in position to be covering you in prayer.

The Piper book has helped me to cope with a lot as well. It has helped me to keep my eyes focused on Christ, rather than on the events of life. Much more comforting and "cope-able".

I'll be praying for you both.

Alana said...

My heart just hurts over this. I'll be praying.

Lisa writes... said...

I am sorry I didn't see this post sooner. I know your pain. And your sense of betrayal. And your grief. Thank you for your honesty and your authenticity...

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I'm so sorry...my heart is very heavy for you, Melissa.