Once again, the blog has been dormant for an extended period of time. My post at Desiring Virtue may lend some insight into why.

Do We Really Need Strong Faith?

I recently heard a pastor share an analogy about faith that has given me much to ponder. Consider a frozen pond. If you walk out on it with great confidence and the ice is thin, the ice will not sustain your weight no matter how much you believe it will.  If you walk out on it with great hesitancy and the ice is thick, the ice will easily sustain your weight no matter how little you believe it will.  The strength of the ice is far more important than the strength of your belief in it.

It doesn't matter how strong our faith is if we're placing it in a weak god.

The god presented in many churches today is a weak, watered down version of the God of the Bible.

We've weakened Him in our emotional "worship" songs that have reduced Him to an object of our affection (often without ever making mention of His Name).  When my husband lost his job, we didn't need a god who was content to let us recline against him, feel him breathe and hear his heartbeat.¹ We needed a God who would strengthen and help us, and cause us to stand upheld by His righteous, omnipotent hand.²

We've weakened Him with sermons that focus on our efforts rather that God's. Many pastors are so busy telling us how to live for God, they forget to tell us why we should. My attempts to obey God's Word will will fall terribly short if I don't have a clear understanding of who God is.

We've weakened Him by our lack of knowledge of Him. He's not a fire-insurance policy. He is the Holy Lord.

I, I am the Lord,
    and besides me there is no savior.
I declared and saved and proclaimed,
    when there was no strange god among you;
    and you are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and I am God.
Also henceforth I am he;
    there is none who can deliver from my hand;
    I work, and who can turn it back?”
~Isaiah 43:11-13 (ESV)

The gospel reveals eternal realities about God that we would sometimes rather not face. We prefer to sit back, enjoy our cliches, and picture God as a Father who might help us, all the while ignoring God as a Judge who might damn us. Maybe this is why we fill our lives with the constant drivel of entertainment in our culture - and in the church. We are afraid that if we stop and really look at God in his Word, we might discover that he evokes greater awe and demands deeper worship than we are ready to give him.

~David Platt, Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream

We've weakened Him by convincing ourselves that He is here to serve our purposes, rather than us serving His.  We have forgotten about the One who laid aside His rights in order that God's plan might be accomplished.  If there was ever a man who deserved to have His own way, it was Christ. Yet, He did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped (Philippians 2:6).

It's time believers stop settling for a weak god. If we truly worship, know, and serve the God of the Bible, our faith need only be as big as a mustard seed.


¹"The More I Seek You", written by Kari Jobe
²"How Firm a Foundation", written by John Keith

Review: the life of GOD in the soul of the church

Over the past few weeks I've been enjoying The Life of God in the Soul of the Church: The Root and Fruit of Spiritual Fellowship by Thabiti Anyabwile. The book is actually a series of sermons that Anyabwile preached at his church, First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman, regarding true biblical fellowship.

Anybwile expounds upon the theme of Henry Scougal's

Life of God in the Soul of Man, which urged Christians to practice "genuine, vital, thriving spiritual devotion." (p. 7) By exposition of 1 John 1, Anybwile concludes that "the essence and foundation of all true spiritual and biblical fellowship is the life of God in the soul of man experienced personally by believing the truth and share relationally in the church. (p. 17-18) Part I of the book lays the foundation for Part II, which is the practical application of how church members live in true biblical fellowship with one another.

Anybwile tackles difficult subjects with candor and urgency, as evidenced by this excerpt on the role of discipline in the life of the church:

If the church isn't a place where people are corrected in love and godliness, how will society ever be? What hope is there for an unbelieving, perishing world if not even the people of God are humble enough to receive adjustments? What hope is there for places like California or Cayman if the Christians in churches are not marked by the humility that admits wrong and accepts correction? (p. 110)

He details the both the importance and proper practice of spiritual gifts. Other chapters center on worship, forgiveness, acceptance, and partnership in the gospel. Anybwile begins and ends Part II with the call to love one another.

The Life of God in the Soul of the Church isn't a book for those who are content to sit on the sidelines of church life, whose involvement is dictated by convenience. It gave me much food for thought regarding the significance of the church in the life of the Christian. It opened my eyes to the fact that my life is not my own; I am to share my sufferings, comforts, worship, and gifts with my fellow church members (as modeled by the early church). Quite simply, it is a book that can change the way we do church.

Thanks to Christian Focus Publications for allowing me to read and review The Life of God in the Soul of the Church.

Fighting for Your Girl's Heart

Today I'm over at Out of the Ordinary blogging about how to fight for your daughter's heart. Click on over and join me as we continue to wrestle this out together...

Is Proverbs 31 for Me?

I'm honored to be guest-posting at Desiring Virtue today on the topic of Proverbs 31. Before you're overwhelmed by intimidation, consider Lydia Brownback's words in A Woman's Wisdom: How the Book of Proverbs Speaks to Everything

“…we do well to see the poem as an inviting challenge rather than as a condemnation of what we haven’t yet achieved. What we are able to glean from her is a heart attitude – what about her heart enables her to live the life she does? Her life is a picture of what happens when everything else is Proverbs is applied.” (p. 166)

So, is Proverbs 31 for you? Click here to read what I've learned.

Discussion: Small Wonder - Foreword & Small Wonder

Elizabeth has asked us to think deeply about our faith; to affirm our beliefs; to articulate our defense of the Gospel:

As Christians, it’s a given that we have a moral responsibility to respond decisively to injustice and abject evil, but it’s equally ours to learn to contend for the faith in the face of peace-loving and socially conscious secular reason and thought. All too often, we’ve not adequately prepared to give a reason for the hope that we have, so we either run and hide, fight too hard, or let things go bust. But nobody wins when that happens.

Encouraged - and a little intimidated - by this challenge, I am jumping in to the discussion of Small Wonder, a collection of essays by Barbara Kingsolver. I've just finished listening to perhaps Kingsolver's best-known work, The Poisonwood Bible, which introduced me to her eloquent prose and her strong beliefs about politics and religion.  It also made this task a bit more daunting. Nonetheless, I have great hopes for this discussion.

Kingsolver began writing Small Wonder on September 12, 2011. It started as her own cathartic means of dealing with this unspeakable evil. "Writing, which was both painful and palliative for me, turned out to be my own way of giving blood in a crisis." (Foreword) The first essay, Small Wonder, is her emotionally-charged response in the aftermath of the tragedy. It is clear that the events of that day shook her to the core, inciting her search for answers. Rather than comment on the essay itself, I have chosen one passage that made my heart ache.

[I] have spent a lifetime learning to believe in things that can never burn down. I can invest my heart's desire and the work of my hands in things that will outlive me. Although it grieves me that houses are burning, I have fallen in love with a river that runs through a desert, a rain forest at the edge of night, the right of a species to persist in its own wild place, and the words I might assemble to tell their stories. I've fallen in love with freedom regardless, and the entitlement of a woman to get a move on, equipped with boots that fit and opinions that might matter.  The treasures I carry closest to my heart are things I can't own: the curve of a five-year-old's forehead in profile, and the vulnerable expectation in the hand that reaches for mine as we cross the street. The wake-up call of birds in a forest. The intensity of the light fifteen minutes before the end of the day; the color wash of a sunset on mountains; the ripe sphere of that same sun hanging low in a dusty sky in a breathtaking photograph from Afghanistan...Small change, small wonders - these are the currency of my endurance and ultimately of my life. (20-21)

Kingsolver has realized that the material things in life are temporary, unworthy of our idolatry. This is a noble acknowledgment; however, in her search for something more, she has been deceived into worshiping creation rather than the Creator. I immediately thought of Paul's words in Romans:

The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. 

~Romans 1:18-20, ESV

Paul goes on to write that no one understands; no one seeks for God (Romans 3:11). Kingsolver's words are confirmation. She's not seeking the One True God; she's already found her gods and believes they offer her a life of truth and substance. Our world, our country, our neighborhoods are filled with people who feel the same. They find hope in their children, in the beauty of nature, in a myriad of things. We are surrounded by people who hurt, who just want to feel better. They medicate themselves with various comforts, striving desperately to numb the pain.

How do we, as Believers, begin to minister to those who have set their hopes on these lesser gods? I believe we are wise to start with Peter's instruction to love one another earnestly from a pure heart. (1 Peter 1:22) I confess my struggles in this area - frustration with hardened hearts, impatience with those drowning in sin and death, pride and an ugly sense of entitlement to the grace I have done nothing to deserve. 

Loving from a pure heart demands that I share the Gospel. Yes, some - perhaps many - will reject it. I must remember that it's not my job to save people, only to glorify God by being obedient to His command.

I look forward to this challenge of Elizabeth's. To be encouraged by what others are learning, read the discussion on the Foreword and Small Wonder here.
 

Modern Ministry Miscues

Lately I've been giving a lot of thought to trends I see in the modern church. Human tendencies toward self-confidence and self-sufficiency have led to the creation of ministry models that are man-centered rather than God-centered. The result is an overwhelming number of churches that are more style than substance.

We plan events and implement programs, certain that our efforts will reach people for Christ. We  disregard Jesus' words in John 6:44, No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. If we don't get the numbers we expect, we plan more and work harder.

Why have we not realized that these modern ministry techniques are not based on Scripture?  Have we ever considered:

Jesus wasn't "seeker friendly". The rich young man wasn't willing to be obedient to Jesus' command to sell his possessions and give to the poor.  Jesus didn't follow after him  to offer a compromise or beg him to change his mind. He let the young man go because He knew that not everyone will respond to the Gospel. (Mark 10:17-27)

Jesus didn't call us to convert everyone to Christianity. The Great Commission instructs us to make disciples, not converts. (Matthew 28:19-20)  As the Word Incarnate, Jesus spent His ministry teaching the disciples about Himself.  He modeled discipleship for them. He was intentional in His relationship with them.  "...[He] gave himself in depth to 12 disciples, not refusing to bless the masses, but not neglecting to invest in the few." (source)

Here is where we must begin like Jesus. It will be slow, tedious, painful, and probably unnoticed by people at first, but the end result will be glorious, even if we don't live to see it. Seen this way, though, it becomes a big decision in the ministry. We must decide where we want our ministry to count---in the momentary applause of popular recognition or in the reproduction of our lives in a few chosen people who will carry on our work after we have gone. (source)

Jesus didn't become like the masses in order to win them.  Jesus met people where they were, but He never offered Himself as a substitute for an earthly pleasure. Jesus told His disciples that He had called them out of the world (John 15:19). Likewise, we are not to conform to or love the things of this world (Romans 12: 2, 1 John 2:15-17).  Are "Christian alternatives" setting us apart or helping us fit in?

The first century church didn't have strategy sessions and long-range planning committees. In Acts 2:42 - 47, Luke tells us that the believers were devoted to teaching and fellowship. They took care of each other, prayed together, and spent time together. They lived their lives according to the ministry principles Jesus had modeled for them. They understood the function of the Church is to disciple obedient believers to go out and do the same (Ephesians 4:11-16).  The result was that God increased their number every day. 


Now there's a program worth following.

The Church's Responsibility to Teens

Present circumstances - not the least of which is the fact that my girl enters high school next month - have caused me to do a lot of thinking about the church's responsibility to teenagers. As I look over the youth ministry landscape, I see a lot of events meant to entertain rather than educate. Ravi Zacharias, speaking of youth in this month's Tabletalk, said it well:  "Building their faith is not a prime strength in our churches today. We seem to think that we need to entertain them into the church. But what you win them with is often what you win them to."

Today's active youth group seems more focused on fellowship and service than discipleship. I don't discount the benefits of spending time with believers or our calling to serve others, but I question the profitability of a youth group that doesn't balance these activities with in-depth Bible study. 

Sadly, many churches shy away from such Bible study. Perhaps they fear they will scare kids away, or that it will be too much for them to handle.  I agree with Danny Aikin.

If our schools can teach our children chemistry and biology, physics and geology, algebra and geometry, political science and economics, then we can certainly teach them theology and apologetics, Christian ethics and philosophy.

Yet youth ministry seems to follow so many other ministries that promote quantity rather than quality. It's a mentality that seeks to keep us so busy that we don't notice what we're missing.

Parents cannot rely on the youth group as the sole source of our teen's spiritual nourishment. We must be actively involved in their theological education. However, the church also bears some responsibilities to its members, regardless of age (see Ephesians 4:11-16 and Matthew 28:19-20).

I believe our responsibilities to youth go beyond discipleship and equipping. In Titus 2, Paul instructs Titus of these additional responsibilities.  Women are charged to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,to be self-controlled, pure,working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (vv. 3-5) We cannot wait until girls are in their 20s before we begin teaching these concepts. Girls develop their ideas about dating and marriage while they are still teenagers. It is imperative that the older women in the church invest in the lives of teen girls to instruct them on Biblical womanhood.

Likewise, Paul instructs Titus that older men have a responsibility to train the young men. A boy needs to be instructed in Biblical manhood long before he can register to vote.

Teens need time dedicated to this instruction, apart from one another and the pressures of male/female relationships. Giving them this valuable time in a single-sex setting offers a safe environment where honest questions can be asked and forthright answers given. Ideally, such teaching will enhance and reinforce what is being taught at home; however, in many cases it will actually give youth vital instruction they aren't receiving from their parents.

Even though the concepts of Biblical manhood and womanhood may not draw the numbers churches might want, we cannot overlook the fact that the Holy Spirit compelled Paul to give Titus these guidelines for the Church. When youth ministries do not encourage teaching according to Titus 2, they shirk the responsibility of discipling participants and leave the future generations to reap the consequences.

Around the House: March

Days grow longer. Jonquils bloom buttery yellow. Temperatures are all over the map.  Signs of Spring's imminent arrival surround me.  In this month of springing forward and celebrating another year of life, I am

Finding delight in reading The Mysterious Benedict Society.

Stretching my mind by listening to The Greater Journey: Americans in Paris.

Preparing my heart by studying Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross: Experiencing the Passion and Power of Easter and In My Place Condemned He Stood: Celebrating the Glory of the Atonement.

Nourishing my soul by planning this year's garden.

Praising the Lord for a husband who will tend the garden.

And for the growth He's bringing about in my daughter's life. 

Learning something new by watching my girl play field hockey.

Sensitizing my conscience by carefully considering my media choices.

Grappling with my sinful soul and daily seeking His grace.

And continuing to watch...

Keeping Watch

The Advent Altar  occupies the kitchen corner, fresh candles and a new Advent resource alongside the familiar wreath and the small nativity. I carefully write last year's message on the board, reminding us to Prepare...our home and our hearts.

Yet this year, there is a new message on my heart. Its whispers, deep in my spirit, nearly reach my ears.  It dominates my thoughts and I hold fast to it.

I erase last year's message and painstakingly write this single command,

Watch.

Watch for the Redeemer made incarnate.

Watch for the unexpected.

Watch for the miraculous.

Set aside the distractions and just watch.

In this season of celebrating the Babe in a manger, I find myself watching for Immanuel, God with us.

Watching for His guidance, as my husband graduates from college.

Watching for His plan, as we continue to search for a job.

Watching for His grace, as the benefits we counted on are cut.

Watching for His provision, as our savings dwindle and our income is once again drastically reduced.

And so while we wait, we watch.

O my Strength, I will watch for you,
   for you, O God, are my fortress.

~Psalm 59:9 (ESV)

It's Not About Me

The blog has been dormant for almost a month. Writing has taken a back seat to living. The days have been filled with being a helpmeet and a mother.  The stock pot and canning pot have been hard at work again and the freezers are brimming with food prepared for the winter. I am ready to nestle in this, my favorite of seasons.

Yet there is much to do.  R will graduate next month. I cannot wrap my brain around that sentence. This season in our lives is nearly over, another one, yet unknown, peeks its head over the horizon. We are back to waiting. I'd forgotten how painful waiting can be. I'm seeing signs of nerves rubbed raw and I nearly crumble at the thought.  I've gone back through the archives to relive our journey and to remind myself that God is faithful. Victory is coming, though I confess I don't like not knowing how or when. I try to be content with just knowing it's out there. I remind myself how gracious God has been these past two years.

Yes, two years.  We'd talked about the approaching date, seeing it there on the calendar and marveling at the amount of time gone by. It was a fleeting thought, soon buried under a mountain of homework, chores, and daily routines.  When we didn't think about it again until the date had passed, I realized that we no longer define our life in terms of one event. That it did not destroy us, but that God has used it to display His glory. Oh! how I pray we have pointed to Him through this! 

Two recent worship experiences have made me wonder about that.  The first, a worship service in another church that was so completely God-centered it astounded me. I left that place with an ache in my heart, a longing for what I've been missing.  The second, a challenge from a friend to pay attention to our worship songs - do we sing more about ourselves than God? I went into service with that thought swirling through my mind. After one chorus, I knew the answer.  Even a chorus that proclaims to be getting back to the heart of worship is about man.  Determined NOT to sing about myself, I listened for true worship songs.  Singing just those songs brought me to a place of worship I had not known for longer than I care to admit. I saw how paltry my worship offerings have been.

And so once again I wrestle with blogging. I am keenly aware that any attempts I make here to magnify Him are small - miniscule, really - in comparison to what He has done.  Words cannot describe it and I feel foolish even trying. But should I give up? I honestly don't know.

I do know that I don't want this blog to be about me. In this world of unending self-promotion, I want praise the One who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:6-8, ESV)

I will continue to take up this corner in the blogosphere, tiny as it may be. And I hope you'll continue to join me, even if our meetings are few and far between. 

Autumn Bible Study: Ruth

I've read the Book of Ruth many times over the years. Filled with the stuff fairy tales are made of, this book has always captivated me. Lately I've been digging deeper into the story of the woman grafted into the lineage of Jesus, using Esther and Ruth (Reformed Expository Commentary) and Ruth: Loss, Love, & Legacy.  It's a slow, deliberate, and fascinating journey.

And too good not to share.

Later this week, I'll begin blogging through Ruth.  I hope you'll grab your Bibles and a cup of coffee and dive into God's Word with me.

Autumn Upon Us

The canning pot is temporarily resting, in anticipation of apples and pears that will soon arrive. The kitchen table has been converted to CJ's study area. A laptop and a stack of books rest on the dining table more often than not. We slip back into the routine that my soul needs. Autumn - with its crisp days, candle-lit evenings, and brilliant hues - is soon due. Anticipation of its arrival washes over me.

My girl has started her third and final year of middle school. I think back to the beginning of her first year. We were coasting along in life, blissfully unaware that our world was about to be turned upside down. I remember how God brought us through the initial shock, and how He helped us prepare for a new life.  I can't help but think of last year, as she started her second year of middle school while we were adjusting to R being back in college. I recall how hard that first semester was, and offer yet another thanks to God for His precious grace.

And so we stand, at the beginning of the end. In three short months, we'll be celebrating a graduation and, Lord willing, a new job. Trepidation threatens to creep back into my days. Yet I know whom I have believed, and I am trusting, trusting...

Lessons from a Hurricane

Our town in no stranger to storms. In 1999, Hurricane Floyd brought devastation by water. In 2003, Hurricane Isabel's winds felled 100 year old pines and carved paths through neighborhoods. In 2006, an unnamed storm brought more flooding.

Hurricane Irene left much damage in her wake. Here in Virginia, the scenes aren't as grim as in New Jersey and Vermont. We have much to be thankful for. As normal life resumes, I think on the lessons I learned over the past few days. They are things to be pondered on, tucked away in my heart for safekeeping, and hopefully lived out in sunny days as well as rainy ones.

I've been reminded that procrastination is not a virtue. I completed many of the items on my list prior to Irene's arrival, but left some chores until Saturday morning. When the electricity (and with it, the water) went out at hours earlier than expected, I was caught by surprise. Thankfully, our most important preparations were complete. Still, things at home would have been better if I had been more diligent.

I've learned my home relies heavily on water and electricity. I won't pretend we were roughing it, since we had a generator to provide lights and keep our freezers going. Still, there were so many things I couldn't do for the 4 days we didn't have power and water.  I was forced to stop procrastinating and organize my desk and R's study area. We'll be getting CJ's area together this weekend (our Labor Day weekend tradition).

I've learned how distracting modern conveniences and technology can be. I enjoyed the break from television and internet (our cable company was down). We played games. We navigated past fallen trees to visit friends and family. We talked to our neighbors. We went to the park to play with a friend's children. No Facebook updates, no Google Reader, and no constant information stream jostling for our attention. It was actually very pleasant.

I've learned to love my family even more.  There's something about huddling together inside while the rain and wind blow fiercely outside, camping out together in the living room (where it was coolest), and working together in less-than-ideal circumstances that draw you even closer together. There is no one on this planet who I love more than my man and my girl.

I've learned how desperate my own depravity is.  In the midst of all of this, I too often found my thoughts focused on how inconvenienced I was rather than worrying with what others might be going through or trusting God's sovereignty.

I've learned that still  I have so much more than I need. Surrounded by things I couldn't use, moving others to make room for extension cords and water jugs, I was a little overwhelmed by the things I still cling to. I think Autumn nesting will bring another purge.

I've learned, again, how blessed I am. With a husband who took major pains to prepare our home for the worst, a boss who let us invade his home to take hot showers and do laundry, and friends across the country and the Atlantic Ocean who kept check on us...I'm one blessed woman.

I've learned that who we are in every day life is who we are in the midst of a storm.  It doesn't matter if it's trusting God, being selfish, or showing kindness and compassion, how we live in the good times prepares us for how we live in the bad.

I've learned, again, that God is totally and completely sovereign. Saturday's evening devotion from Morning and Evening(while the hurricane was churning):

Into Your hand I commit my spirit; you have redeemed me, O Lord, Faithful God (Psalm 31:5)

The object of a believer's interest in life and death is not his body or his possessions, but his spirit; this is his choice treasure:  If this is safe, then all is well...At all times we should commit everything to Jesus' faithful hand; then even if life should hang on a thread, and difficulties multiply like the sands of the sea, our soul shall life in safety and delight itself in quiet resting places.

And yesterday morning's:

In seasons of severe trial the Christian has nothing on earth that he can trust, and so he is compelled to cast himself on God alone. When his vessel is capsizing, and no human deliverance is at hand, he must simply and entirely trust himself  to the providence and care of God. Happy storm that wrecks a man on such a rock as this! O blessed hurricane that drives the soul to God and God alone!

His timing was perfect. Then there were the prayers of precious friends, who were asking that the river surrounding our town crest below predictions. I'd told them I thought 16 feet was safe. They prayed, and the predictions dropped to 16 feet! One of the gals said she'd pray for 15. The river crested at 14.7 feet. I never stopped being amazed at God.

And so, life continues. R has returned to school. I've returned to work. CJ is preparing for 8th grade and I'm still wondering when that happened. Things are back to normal, but I'm praying these lessons will stay with me for a long time to come.

What's on My Nightstand - August

August days are waning. Mercifully, the temperatures drop ever so slightly, hinting at cooler days ahead. Tomatoes will soon give way to apples. Shades of green will melt into brilliant hues of orange and red. Cool evenings under the reading quilt are nearing. I am giddy with anticipation.

Since last month,

I've completed:

~Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. This story of unusual friendship in ancient China was beautiful and haunting at the same time.

~Saving CeeCee Honeycutt.  A friend passed this Southern charmer along to me. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

~The Help. I had concerns that the book wouldn't live up to the hype, but it did.

~Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption (audio). One of the best books I've ever "read". I've found myself cringing, getting goosebumps, and laughing through tears as I've listened to the true story of Louis Zamperini, a 1936 Olympian who survived a plane crash at sea and 2 years as a Japanese POW in WWII.

I've tried:

~The Next Story: Life and Faith after the Digital Explosion. I decided to put this one down for now in favor of Tim Challies' first book, which I had not read.

~Snow Falling on Cedars.  This one didn't grab me as much I'd hoped, so I returned it to the library after a few chapters.

I've picked up:

~The Discipline of Spiritual Discernment (Kindle). I had been wanting to read this book by Tim Challies for a while, and decided there was no time like the present.

~Emma. It's been far too long since I've read any Jane!

I'll soon be starting:

~Abigail Adams (audio). I haven't read anything about the Revolutionary War era in a while, and this biography piqued my interest.

~Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus


I'm constantly looking to:

~Spurgeon's Morning and Evening

~Matthew Henry's Method For Prayer

~Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions

~Paul Tripp's A Shelter in the Time of Storm: Meditations on God and Trouble

You can click on over to 5 Minutes for Books to see what others are reading.

Lessons Learned - About Myself

After sharing lessons learned about our home, our girl, and my man, it's only fair that I share lessons I've learned about myself during the past year and a half.

I am more easily satisfied and resilient than I thought.

Several years ago, I wanted the newest and latest of everything. I bought shoes and purses on a whim. I was constantly feathering my nest with pillows and other decor.  If I saw something I wanted, I found a way to justify buying it. We took trips to Boston and New York. We were living the American dream. And paying for it dearly.

God, in His sovereignty, knew that some things needed to change. Nearly two years before R's employer announced the mill closure, He began convicting me of all the waste in my life.  As I began to reduce the clutter and the spending, an amazing thing happened. I realized the things I thought made my life were really choking it out of me.

I've learned to weigh the value of everything before allowing it to take valuable space in my home and in my life. I've learned I'm just more satisfied eating a meal I've prepared, watching a movie at home, and hanging out in our back yard than going out for dinner, a movie, or shopping. I've learned that the things I have and the places I go don't define the quality of my life.

I am more controlling and selfish than I thought.

I've always been a controller. Not only do I like to know what's going on, but I like to be in charge of it. It's been an exercise in patience and self-control to balance helping my husband with schoolwork and paperwork with taking over completely. It's been an exercise in humility to remind myself daily that God's ways are higher than my own.

When this path doesn't seem to make sense, or I want to just get-to-the-end-and-be-done-with-it-already-thank-you, I must tell myself yet again that having control is an illusion crafted by the enemy to draw my attention from God. When I tire of being the primary source of our family's income, wanting to slough off that responsibility along with my work clothes at the end of a long day, I have to remember that this is temporary and that I should be grateful for the provision of my job. When I'm tempted to stomp my feet at God and ask why my dreams of going back to college have not been realized, I recall the changes wrought in my dear husband's life, changes I would not have witnessed if my plans had prevailed.

In those moments, I quietly whisper prayers seeking forgiveness and the strength to let go.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 

~John 15:5 (ESV)

Lessons Learned - About My Man

I've shared lessons learned about our home and our girl. In honor of my husband's birthday this weekend, I thought I would share things I've learned about him in this past year. 

Next month brings the beginning of the third decade I have known him, the man I love. For twenty years now we've been the closest of friends and confidantes. I thought I had him pretty well figured out. Then life changed.

Through shock and grief, tension and uncertainty, anxiety and more uncertainty, I've seen the man I married transform before my very eyes.

My man is more intelligent than he realized.

Confidence has been an ill-fitting garment on his shoulders, despite my best efforts to make it more comfortable for him. My praises, and the praises of our girl, go only so far. In these past months, his confidence has been built upon the respect of his classmates and professors, the right answers on homework problems, and the satisfaction of a job well done. The man who was unsure about taking this path has grown with each passing step, and it has been a sight to see.

My man is more intelligent than I realized.

I've always known he's smart. I've long admired his talent to build and fix things, to look at a drawing (his own or someone else's) and bring it to life. I've never seen him give himself over to reading and studying like he's had to do this past year. Listening to him talk about statistical analysis, ethics and the regulatory environment, and leadership in business, I've gained a new appreciation for his intellect.

My man is finding new things comfortable.

The work jeans have been retired. The once standard ball cap hangs in the mudroom. Steel-toed boots have been replaced by sandals and tennis shoes. A new life requires a new wardrobe.

Days of coming home at the break of dawn, trying to sleep while the sun burns down hot through our bedroom window are a faint memory. Missing Sunday worship twice a month is all but forgotten. His body recovers from the years of swing shift, the snatching of sleep at odd times. His spirit recovers from portions of life missed, family gatherings and dinners with friends, ballgames and trips to the amusement park.

I am finding new things comfortable.

Hearing him greet me when I arrive home each day. The privilege of family dinner each evening. The blessing of feeling him next to me in the bed each night. They are things I don't take for granted. I never want to.

My man appreciates the little things.

A few months ago, I started leaving him short notes listing the reasons I love him. He quickly became accustomed to getting them. Who knew such a small act would mean so much?

Sending silly texts to each other throughout the day, holding hands while watching our favorite television series on DVD each night, learning Spanish with him. All little things, small investments that have yielded big dividends in our  relationship. Fires make our love stronger, more enduring.

My man loves me more than I realized.

He spends his days surrounded by classmates young enough to be our own children, his evenings immersed in books. He stretches his brain to grasp foreign concepts. He humbles himself to allow me to be the breadwinner.  He is daring to dream new dreams. All of this to make a better life for our family and to better serve the Lord. His life boldly proclaims his love for me, the depths of which I had never understood.

As we celebrate another year of my husband's life, I'm thanking the Lord

...for His goodness in knowing just how much a lost and hurt young woman needed this man who would cherish her.

...for His wisdom in bringing me to this man who is most certainly my better half. Aside from Christ, he is the best thing about me.

...for His grace in giving two selfish and sinful people these 20 years of love and friendship, a strong marriage, and a beautiful daughter. I am blessed beyond measure.

Happy birthday, my sweet man. I am so incredibly proud to be your wife!

Lessons Learned - About our Girl

A few weeks ago, I shared some lessons I've learned about our home during the past year. I'm finally getting back to this series with lessons learned about our girl.

The stretching of the past year has been tough on our girl. There are days she handles it with grace, knowing that our current state is temporary. Yet to a 12-year old, temporary can seem like an eternity.

She's watched friends' dads go back to work, their lives resuming normalcy. While her own is anything but. It must be difficult for her to understand that we are living in a new normal. Sometimes, I struggle with that reality myself.

As she's learned to adjust to having a full-time student for a dad, I've learned a few things about her.

My girl is stronger than I thought.

She admits that she first saw R losing his job as a tragedy, but she realizes now that God is in control and that He is good. She's seen Him work in our family and has proclaimed that to her friends.

Some days the weight of "No, we can't afford that." or "Not this weekend. Dad has a lot of homework to do." is too much to bear. She complains. She is, after all, 12. In those times, I tell her that this temporary sacrifice is bringing great reward for our family.  Not the reward of buying things we don't need in order to keep up with the Joneses, but the reward of a simple yet satisfying life. I remind her that R's working hard now so that (hopefully) he won't have to go back to a life of shift-work.

These reminders strengthen her resolve to persevere.

My girl is more adaptable than I thought.

She's learning to appreciate simple pleasures. In cooler months, we had family game nights and movie nights at home. We laughed. We cried. We snuggled. We enjoyed the quiet haven of our home.

She's been working alongside R to plan and plant our garden.  Her hands have gotten dirty.  Her eyes have sparkled. She is excited to watch the plants grow and produce food to sustain us.

This summer will bring homemade popsicles and ice cream, church softball, and evenings in the backyard. We'll savor our time together before the demands of school creep back into our lives.

My girl is funnier, more loving, and wiser than I thought.

As I watch her navigate the perils of middle school along with the tremendous changes in our family life, I'm amazed at some of the things she says and does. Little things, like drilling her dad for a quiz or helping with dinner, give me glimpses of the woman she's going to become. True, there are many, many times when I'm frustrated because I've had to tell her four times to do something. In those instances, I need to stop before I yell and remember occasions when she's done something without being asked. I need to remember just how hard it is to be 12. I need to give her grace.

Friday's Fave Five - Anniversary Edition

18 years ago today, my life was a bevy of last minute wedding details. 48 hours remained until our vows would be spoken and our lives would change. We could not have imagined how much. Nor could this immature girl have guessed how much she had to learn...how little she actually knew about being a woman, let alone a wife.

If I could go back in time and give that young bride five pieces of wisdom, I'd say...

#1 - Don't scoff at his dreams.  Instead of belittling them, encourage him to reach out of his comfort zone (and yours), in obedience to God. For all things are possible with God. ~ Mark 10:27

#2 - Don't sweat the small stuff. And much of it is small stuff, even though it looms large. Remember, these things are just a small portion of your life that only affect you & your marriage if you let them. And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ~ Luke 12:25

#3 - Be content. A successful marriage cannot be measured by the number of pretty things you accumulate.  Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. ~ 1 Tim. 6:6. 

#4 - Love him more. - Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. ~ 1 Peter 4:8.

#5 - Love God more. Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD commanded you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul. ~ Joshua 22:5



(Friday's Fave Five is hosted by Susanne @ Living to Tell The Story)

A Place for Weakness - Chapters 3 & 4

We're continuing the discussion of A Place for Weakness: Preparing Yourself for Suffering over at Elizabeth's.

Not much time here today, but I wanted to share a favorite quote from each chapter.

...from Chapter 3

...those who demand heaven on earth here and now - instant health, wealth, happiness, or holiness - often become the most embittered, hostile, and disillusioned critics of Christianity. Whether it is perfect bodies, perfect sanctification, perfect success, perfect marriages, perfect children, perfect security, perfect churches - whatever- we must abandon this theology of glory instead of abandoning the God who works all things together for good. ~p. 48

...and from Chapter 4

It wouldn't have shocked most Christians in other ages, but it definitely catches us by surprise. God does not exist for us; we exist for God. In our human-centered age, we tend to measure God and his purposes by what we calculate as most beneficial for us. With this starting point, the whole horizon of sin, judgment, salvation, and damnation becomes reduced to our happiness. It's not surprising that God's wrath and everlasting judgment fall off the radar. pp. 65-66

Go to Elizabeth's to join the discussion on this thought-provoking book by Michael Horton.