November 3, 2011

It's Not About Me

The blog has been dormant for almost a month. Writing has taken a back seat to living. The days have been filled with being a helpmeet and a mother.  The stock pot and canning pot have been hard at work again and the freezers are brimming with food prepared for the winter. I am ready to nestle in this, my favorite of seasons.

Yet there is much to do.  R will graduate next month. I cannot wrap my brain around that sentence. This season in our lives is nearly over, another one, yet unknown, peeks its head over the horizon. We are back to waiting. I'd forgotten how painful waiting can be. I'm seeing signs of nerves rubbed raw and I nearly crumble at the thought.  I've gone back through the archives to relive our journey and to remind myself that God is faithful. Victory is coming, though I confess I don't like not knowing how or when. I try to be content with just knowing it's out there. I remind myself how gracious God has been these past two years.

Yes, two years.  We'd talked about the approaching date, seeing it there on the calendar and marveling at the amount of time gone by. It was a fleeting thought, soon buried under a mountain of homework, chores, and daily routines.  When we didn't think about it again until the date had passed, I realized that we no longer define our life in terms of one event. That it did not destroy us, but that God has used it to display His glory. Oh! how I pray we have pointed to Him through this! 

Two recent worship experiences have made me wonder about that.  The first, a worship service in another church that was so completely God-centered it astounded me. I left that place with an ache in my heart, a longing for what I've been missing.  The second, a challenge from a friend to pay attention to our worship songs - do we sing more about ourselves than God? I went into service with that thought swirling through my mind. After one chorus, I knew the answer.  Even a chorus that proclaims to be getting back to the heart of worship is about man.  Determined NOT to sing about myself, I listened for true worship songs.  Singing just those songs brought me to a place of worship I had not known for longer than I care to admit. I saw how paltry my worship offerings have been.

And so once again I wrestle with blogging. I am keenly aware that any attempts I make here to magnify Him are small - miniscule, really - in comparison to what He has done.  Words cannot describe it and I feel foolish even trying. But should I give up? I honestly don't know.

I do know that I don't want this blog to be about me. In this world of unending self-promotion, I want praise the One who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:6-8, ESV)

I will continue to take up this corner in the blogosphere, tiny as it may be. And I hope you'll continue to join me, even if our meetings are few and far between. 


Leah said...

Wonderfully written, Melissa, as always. Your style of writing and the way you put your words together? Amazing. A gift from God. I like your deep and pondering posts - they stick with me. Ya know? But I also like to hear about your daily life, too, and what's going on. A mix is good!

Diana Lovegrove said...

"Victory is coming, though I confess I don't like not knowing how or when." Exactly! But oh, how we grow through the process!

I was so privileged to be with you at that completely God-centred worship service, and treasure that memory immensely. Yes, it is a difficult path to find those songs which focus on Him alone.

As for your blogging - Melissa, all I can say is I believe it glorifies God when a heart which is passionate for Him and His Name pours forth like yours does through your beautiful writing. It encourages my faith so much to hear how other saints are being moulded more into His likeness - no, it isn't about you, it's about His work through you for His Glory's sake, and that's what comes through, my friend!

God bless you ♥

Teresa said...

Melissa God has given you a gift, please continue to share it with us, it's a blessing and it brings honor and Glory to our Lord and that in itself is worship my friend. Love you and so thankful to have read this today. Blessings sweet Sister!

Leslie said...

Excellent, beautiful post.

His Girl said...

How. has it been. TWO. years? wow. I am astounded. Also, *high five*

I've been hearing the point often lately about the worship us-Him ratio. I'm not sure what to think of that. I do know this- the argument is causing a lot of division and arguing lately. That troubles me.

I think there's quite a bit of truth in the criticism- but every mention of the word "I" or "we" is not necessarily sinful- check out the book of Psalms! I think the best way to determine if a praise song (singing about God's attributes) or worship song (singing to God with reverence) is appropriate is the same method that one uses with a story or a sermon- ask yourself, "who is the hero of this song/story/sermon?" If it's not God, it's not good.

When we sing that we're coming back to the heart of worship, we are offering God his rightful place in the center of worship, not touting how rad we are for thinking of this great concept. I think if our hearts are focused on God, our worship will be beautiful to our Father. (God tells us over and over how He is more interested in our hearts than our words)
Here's my fear: if satan can convince us that our worship team is singing the wrong songs with the wrong motivation- he can trip us up to be critical instead of worshipful. (I'm not saying you are doing this, that's more a warning to myself)

That being said, if the worship focus really is on man and not on God, then that's a horse of a different color. That would be a good reason to ask God where He'd have you be.

whoops! I am realizing that I just hijacked this post with a long ol' rant... so sorry, friend. This is something I've been thinking on for a few months now, and apparently I decided to think about this out loud this exact minute here on your blog. haha. my apologies. miss you.

Lisa Spence said...

Ditto to Leslie: Excellent, beautiful post. Love you, friend! And I love your heart so beautifully and humbly expressed here!

jenmom said...

Very good to hear from you again!

Persis said...

Great post, Melissa. I hope you will continue to blog and glorify the Lord in it.

Lisa notes... said...

Good to hear from you again, Melissa.

I hear you. I struggle with some of the same issues. I've recently initiated some conversations about how much we think everything is about us. We (unintentionally) even assume God revolves around us because he loves us so much (which he DOES love us so much, but he's still the # 1 being!). Sigh.

So keep putting the word out there. I know I fail miserably in giving God the glory he's due; it's so hard not to turn everything back to me,me,me.

Nikole Hahn said...

Don't give up posting. I like reading it though i do struggle to visit all the blogs I want to read. It's good to revisit a blog and make ourselves accountable. This world of self-promotion is a rocky road with many paths...take the wrong one and we could make it easily all about us. Great point you made in the blog.

Anonymous said...

Hi Melissa,

I know this is an older post but it reflects my own struggle with blogging. I think most of us who blog stop and ask those questions too - and it's good that we do, I think.

I quit for 5 months and started up again too but have cut way back on my computer time.

It's good to be able to read your posts though and see how the Lord is working in the lives of His people.

Have a blessed Christmas.