Fifth Day Morning - The Giver

CREATOR, UPHOLDER AND PROPRIETOR OF ALL THINGS,

We cannot escape from thy presence and control,

nor do we desire to do so.

Our privilege is to be under the agency of thy omnipotence,

righteousness, wisdom, patience, mercy and grace;

For thou art Love with more than parental affection.

We admire thy goodness,

stand in awe of thy power,

abuse ourselves before thy purity.

It is the discovery of thy goodness alone

that can banish our fear

allure us into thy presence,

help us to bewail and confess our sins.

We review our past guilt

and are conscious of present unworthiness.

We bless thee that thy steadfast love and attributes

are essential to our happiness and hope;

Thou hast witnessed to us thy grace and mercy

in the bounties of nature,

in the fullness of thy providence,

in the revelations of Scripture,

in the gift of thy Son,

in the proclamation of the gospel.

Make us willing to be saved in thy own way,

perceiving nothing in ourselves but all in Jesus.

Help us not only to receive him

but to walk in him,

depend upon him,

commune with him,

follow him as dear children,

imperfect, but still pressing forward,

not complaining of labour, but valuing rest,

not murmuring under trials, but thankful for our state.

And by so doing let us silence the ignorance of foolish men.

~Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions 

(p. 215, emphasis mine)

The Broken Heart

O LORD,
No day of my life has passed that has not proved me guilty in thy sight.
Prayers have been uttered from a prayerless heart;
Praise has been often praiseless sound;
My best services are filthy rags.
Blessed Jesus, let me find a covert in thy appeasing wounds.
Though my sins rise to heaven thy merits soar above them;
Though unrighteousness weighs me down to hell,
thy righteousness exalts me to thy throne.
All things in me call for my rejection,
All things in thee plead my acceptance.
I appeal from the throne of perfect justice
to thy throne of boundless grace.
Grant me to hear thy voice assuring me:
that by thy stripes I am healed,
that thou was bruised for my iniquities,
that thou hast been made sin for me
that I might be righteous in thee,
that my grievous sins, my manifold sins, are all forgiven,
buried in the ocean of they concealing blood.
I am guilty, but pardoned,
lost, but saved,
wandering, but found,
sinning, but cleansed.
Give me perpetual broken-heartedness,
Keep me always clinging to thy cross,
Flood me every moment with descending grace,
Open to me the springs of divine knowledge,
sparkling like crystal,
flowing clear and unsullied
through my wilderness of life.
~Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions (p. 83, emphasis mine)

A Prayer for My Backslidden Soul

O LORD,
When the world's unbelievers reject thee,
and are so forsaken by thee that though callest them no more,
it is to thine own thou dost turn,
for in such seasons of general apostasy
they in some measure backslide with the world.
O how free is thy grace
that reminds them of the danger that confronts them
and urges them to persevere in adherence to thyself!
I bless thee that those who turn aside
may return to thee immediately,
and be welcomed without anything to commend them,
notwithstanding all their former backslidings.
I confess that this is suited to my case, for of late
I have found great want,
and lack of apprehension of divine grace;
I have been greatly distressed of soul
because I did not suitably come to the fountain
that purges away all sin;
I have laboured too much for spiritual life,
peace of conscience, progressive holiness,
in my own strength.
I beg thee, show me the arm of all might;
Give me to believe
that thou canst do for me more than I ask or think, and
that, though I backslide, thy love will never let me go,
but will draw me back to thee with everlasting cords;
that thou dost provide grace in the wilderness,
and canst bring me out, leaning on the arm of my Beloved;
that thou canst cause me to walk with him
by the rivers of waters in a straight way,
wherein I shall not stumble.
Keep me solemn,
devout,
faithful,
resting on free grace
for assistance, acceptance, and peace of conscience.

~Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions, p. 86 (emphasis mine)

The Morning Hour

My sleepy hand emerges from the covers
to silence the loud beeping.
Slumbering senses come alive slowly.

The seafoam mug dotted with white
cradles the steaming liquid.
The muddy hue and the faint smell of vanilla, inviting.

The chair waits empty.
Pens stand in a vase, at the ready.
A light burns low and calming.

The pages rustle softly as angel's wings.
Enveloped in stitches sewn decades ago,
I am soon lost in the wonder of it all -
the story of the Prince who left the castle to claim me.

We meet somewhere between the earthly and the heavenly;
for I know even the most divine communion here
cannot compare to knowing Him fully.
I have slipped the bonds of the temporal and into the eternal.

These moments - this hour - is sacred.
It shadows all others to come.

The day intrudes, brash and demanding.
Chores beckon and duty calls.
I crash back into the boundaries of time and flesh.
And I count the hours until we will meet again.

A Marriage Prayer

Give him boldness and wisdom to rebuke and exhort me when I am unfaithful to Your Word, when I neglect prayer, fail to redeem the time, speak carelessly, walk foolishly, fail to hope in You, seek great things for myself, become anxious about tomorrow. Do not let him cease praying for me when I am beset with the fear of man, the cares of the world, or the love of money.

~Excerpted from
Prayers Of An Excellent Wife: Intercession For Him

I read. Close my eyes. Sigh. Open my eyes.

I re-read.

Lord...

I want to pray. I do. My mind wants to make this prayer one of my heart. But my heart is desperately sick. It causes the hairs on the back of my neck bristle. It bucks against being tamed. It triggers the innate self-preservation mechanism.


Why should I make these words my own? How can he notice my sins and call them out? He's a sinner himself. He should examine the plank in his own eye before plucking out the speck in mine. There's absolutely no need to invite rebuke. Besides, he doesn't have the right...

I squeeze my eyes shut against the voice of the deceiver, the one who works to convince me of rights and entitlements that have nothing to do with the unshakable Kingdom. In 17 years, I have never uttered such a prayer. Shouldn't I leave well enough alone?

Yet I am resolved to be different. To grow. To stretch. To learn. To pray that my husband will do the same.

The clutch of my palm relaxes, and I set it free. The desire to control, to judge. I see the lines of my hand running deep, mere imitations of the scars He bore. Scars that give Him alone the right to control, to judge. And He has established this covenant of marriage, this protective covering.

In His wisdom and care, He has given me a husband who will not crush my heart in judgment. I can trust him with my heart, just as I trust the Maker of my heart. I said "I Do" to a man who knew my faults and pledged to love me in spite of them. Oh, how he has!

In the quiet still, I know the truth of the matter. It is only the sound of my voice speaking that I fear, as if that would somehow make the words more true. For though I have never prayed these words, my husband has obeyed them. Even when I have not obeyed them, he has. Thank You, Lord. He has.

I bow my head. The words feel uncomfortable on my lips. My heart quickens, tries to resist. I press on as I begin to pray...

Learning

Over the past few days, I've plunged into a steep downward spiral. Plans we made, certain we were following God's plan, have met with obstacles and aren't working out. Unexpected, large expenses are cropping up like dandelions. It's overwhelming.

Yesterday, I pleaded with Jesus to just come on back. Even though I'd just read Genesis 21:1-2 in my Bible reading plan (BTW - this plan is great!), and seen God keep His promise. Even though I know God is faithful. Even though I say that I trust Him. I was feeling crushed.

Which is why I suppose God has brought me to the Year of Faith & Freedom. I didn't start out looking for resources or Bible verses on faith & freedom, but let me tell you, He's already speaking volumes! Isn't that just like Him? Not only has He used the Bible reading plan to put me exactly where I need to be at exactly the time I need to be there, but He's also using my quiet time to breathe some life-changing truth into my soul:

~Scripture must be the final rule of faith and practice for our lives. Not our feelings or emotions. - Joshua Harris, Dug Down Deep: Unearthing What I Believe and Why It Matters (I CANNOT recommend this book enough!)

~Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.- Hebrews 10:35-36 (ESV)

~No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. - Romans 4:20-21 (ESV)

I'm praying that my heart will absorb His truth. That His Word will pierce my soul and give me a deeper understanding of who He is. That I won't miss a single baby step. That, above all, He will be glorified.

Quiet Time

From my quiet time this morning...

Do we, who are busy preparing for Christmas, parties and presents and decorations and food and church programs - and visitors - do we prepare with equal fervor for the visitation of the Lord? If you are consumed by one more Christmas (one mere Christmas among two thousand) your Advent is fleeting, time-bound, and likely self-absorbed. Desperate preparations often indicate an anxiety about the opinions of others regarding ourselves.

~Walter Wangerin, Jr., Preparing for Jesus

"You are my servant,I have chosen you and not cast you off"; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;I will strengthen you, I will help you,I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." For I, the LORD your God,
hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not,I am the one who helps you."

~Isaiah 41:9-10, 13 (ESV)

Sometimes it's hard to accept that God can bring about His purposes through our trials. It's hard to see past our circumstances to a future that, for us, doesn't exist yet. But God is not constrained by time. He is not reined in by our circumstances. Because of this, we have to trust that our limited perspective simply cannot process His higher purpose...Even when I don't understand and even when it's hard to wait, waiting anyway is part of growing in faith as we simultaneously grow in our relationship with Him. As our dependence on Him grows, so does our relationship with Him.

Marybeth & Curt Whalen, Learning to Live Financially Free

(Links to these books are in my sidebar)