I had an ongoing (but relatively minor) health issue when I was a preschooler. My mom learned early on the importance of telling me what would happen during a doctor's visit or hospital stay. If I was prepared, I could handle it. One time, she didn't realize they were going to draw blood. She hadn't warned me, and I went into a full-blown panic.
In 8th grade, I started requesting applications and catalogs from colleges. I wanted to make certain I knew what was required to be accepted to an institution I might choose, and what it would take to graduate with a degree in a major I might consider.
I like to have a full understanding of the current situation, and rehearse the possible scenarios in my mind before making a commitment.
Which, I'm learning, is not a personality trait that God finds favorable. In all my needing to know, my planning of my life, I forgot something.
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. (Proverbs 16:9, ESV)
For many years now, I've been telling God how I want to serve Him in hopes that He'd hop on board with my plans. Are you surprised to know it hasn't quite panned out? He's been nudging me in the right direction ever so gently, but my hard heart hasn't listened. He recently grabbed my attention through two sources with the same message: Don't push your agenda with God!
Stop pushing your agenda with God!
I've been so busy telling God what I wanted to do for Him, that I haven't noticed what He's been putting right in front of me. I've been wrapped up in being sullen, whining that I wasn't getting my way, rather than accepting His agenda for my life.
It's time for a new theme song:
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I'm Letting Go, lyrics by Francesca Battistelli, Ian Eskelin & Tony Wood
Not a summer vacation, but a trip to Peru. Not a big women's ministry, but a small number of women who truly need love and prayers right now. Not a huge Sunday School class, but a group of teenage girls. Not the other worldly things my heart's been seeking after, but glimpses of the Heavenly treasures that are waiting. Not where I want to go, but where He does.
And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. (Isaiah 30:21, ESV)