June 26, 2007

Under Siege

Well, I knew Satan wasn't going to be happy about my commitment to honor my husband. Especially when I went and set goals and everything! I blew it last night, and it was NOT PRETTY! It wasn't so much what I said (I wasn't talking), but the attitude in my heart. The worst part...I didn't want to lay down my need to be right because I was convinced I was the injured party in the whole scenario. It was a ridiculous argument that soon blew over. Later, we were having a discussion about something else and I took offense at something he said. (Needless to say, I disagree with his point of view on this particular topic.) I didn't let it escalate into an argument, but again with the attitude of my heart...

I'm telling you, I feel like I'm getting it on all sides. I've been studying James 1, which is mostly about dealing with trials and tribulations. My Pastor has started a series about handling life's challenges. While I was listening to the sermon, I was gripped by fear...What are you trying to tell me, Lord? Are you preparing me for a trial? What's going to happen to me?

I've learned that when God is speaking the same thing over and over again, I need to listen up. So I'm really on edge about whatever pending trial is out there. Of course, it could be my attitude problem or the ministry struggle I'm facing...which are plenty big to me. Still, I wonder if there's anything larger looming.

FDR said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Fear and its symptoms scare me more than anything. Several years ago, I survived a season of absolute fear. I'm praying I'm not about to enter another. I know the enemy would like nothing more than to paralyze me with fear and doubt. I realize God is in control and He is trustworthy. But, to be honest, I'm concerned that He's trying to equip me for some monumental burden. I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm scared.

Looking back at my journal entry, I remember the confidence that filled my heart. I want to keep that confidence. So, I'm going to do as James suggests and ask God for wisdom. Then I'm going to draw my sword and get ready for battle.

Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. Stand, therefore,with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. Ready to go tell others about the gospel. In every situation take the shield of faith,and with it you will be able to extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation,and the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s word. - Ephesians 6:10-17

I'm not going down without a fight.



Holly said...

I appreciate you sharing your success along with the struggles. Satan is always lurking, ready to attack.

I struggle a lot with making my point, mostly with my husband, and need to do better.

kittyhox said...

Goodness, I love James. It's one of the most easily applicable books of the Bible. It always cuts to the heart.

I'm sorry you're struggling with your commitment. I also deal with attitude issues toward my husband. I catch my tone of voice sometimes and I don't know why I'm short with him, when I'm a very patient person with other people. And I often am guilty of "willfully misinterpreting" something he says, for some unknown reason. It's not cute.

Praise God he is infinitely stronger than the enemy. He'll help you with this and with anything looming around the corner. I pray that there isn't a big trial on its way. Maybe God is just equipping you so you can handle something (in his spirit) that helps you avoid a potential trial.

Keep us posted. And you can start over with your committment to your husband right now! The joke is on the enemy because he will never be victorious, in the long run, even if he throws us off our game from time to time.

You're inspiring me, so that's a victory!

aggiejenn said...

Yep, Satan definitely wants to attack our marriages, especially if we're working on making them stronger in the Lord!

Thanks for your sweet comment on my post today, and for the Scripture. :-)

Sandy@Reluctant Entertainers said...

Thank you for sharing your journey.

Since I've learned, and have taught my kids what fear usually is (False Evidence Appearing Real) it has helped me realize, many times, where it's coming from.