I thought I was over those old insecurities about having to prove my worth to God, but obviously not. I've tried to force a ministry path that has only left me frustrated and doubting my own significance.
Today my friend Lisa really put my feelings into words
I waited, believing God to close doors and open windows. I waited and believed, though my phone didn't ring and the letters didn't come. What went wrong?Did I actually hear Him, or is it my own heart I've been following? I thought He wanted me to do big things, and yet nothing's happened. I've begun to doubt my calling.
In my study time this morning, I discovered something I'd not noticed before.
The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, "Look, the Lamb of God!" When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus. Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, was one of the two who heard what John had said and who had followed Jesus. The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, "We have found the Messiah" (that is, the Christ). And he brought him to Jesus.
~John 1:35-37, 40-42
We really don't read much about Andrew in the Bible. He's not as well-known as his boisterous brother, Peter. Peter was a man who ultimately did big things for God. We will probably never be able to count the number of lives affected by Peter's ministry. In the Book of Acts alone, thousands upon thousands of souls come to Jesus through Peter's preaching.
Yet it is Andrew who left John the Baptist to follow Jesus. Peter wasn't even on the scene at that time. Andrew brought Peter to Jesus. Not a big act. Just one person. Andrew took the time to seek his brother and bring him to Christ...and the world will never be the same.
There are no small callings in God's Kingdom. The Lord of the Harvest can use the investments I make in my little area of the world to bring a bounty unto Himself. To diminish my calling, whatever it may be, demonstrates my own lack of faith. Ouch!
I'm still struggling to find His calling for my life. Perhaps I'll find peace as I seek the One who calls. May it be also for you.