Falling

In case you missed it, my first post for our church blog.

It was a once-in-a-lifetime invitation...the opportunity to actually participate in a parajump training on a Peruvian military base. Never, in my wildest imagination, did I expect that a small town gal like me would have a chance to do something like this.

I am a roller-coaster fanatic. Front row. In the dark. Bring it on. Still, my excitement was tempered with a little bit of nervousness at the prospect of bungee jumping from a 5-story tower and depending on the zip-line to catch me and take me to safety. I waited my turn for the soldier to help me gear up for the jump. My stomach was all jittery. As it turned out, I was to be in the last group. I watched my friends jump. I waited patiently.

Climbing to the top of the tower, I started to wonder about my decision. Was I really going to do this? Really? What had I been thinking? With each step, a new wave of doubt crashed over me. Then I got to the top. It was too late to back out.

I stood at the edge of the tower, ready to face the unknown. Encouraged by close friends beside me and many more on the ground below, I yelled my name (as we were instructed to do) and jumped. The free-fall was a rush unlike any I've experienced. I was flying. Floating through the air with no boundaries. Three stories later, the zip line caught me with a jerk and I slowly made my way back to earth.

It was over.

For an entire year, I planned my trip to Peru. I prayed about it, cried about it, looked forward to it, and prepared for it. I was anxious, nervous, excited, apprehensive, giddy, and just plain scared. As it got closer, doubt started creeping in. Then, encouraged by those around me, I jumped out on that limb and took the ride of my life.

After seeing God do such amazing things and finding myself so totally dependent on Him, my feet are back on the ground. The reality of work, laundry, parenting, bills and, oh yeah, a completely gutted bathroom, have set in.

It's over.

For the past six weeks, I've been at a loss...in a fog, I guess. Caught between giving everything that makes up my life the proper perspective and realizing that so many things I thought mattered just don't. And, in the midst of all that figuring, being out of sorts with God for bringing me back to earth. Because, truly, will anything I do from here on out be as monumental?

And yet I know, deep down, that it can be. That God has even bigger works for me to be a part of. In my own church, community, and home. Different, yes, but just as valuable. Because in His Kingdom, it's all important.

Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

~Isaiah 43:18-19 (ESV)