The lyrics wash over me, seeping into my skin and penetrating my bones. They become my prayer when I'm on my way to work, ashamed at how I raised my voice this morning in frustration and how I didn't even thank my husband who stepped in for me when my head was throbbing so hard I couldn't see straight.
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone.
I ponder the length of the list of things I chase, things with no value or significance. What pursuits of mine leaving my family hungry for love? Am I so easily lured by the meaningless because I fear the meaningful?
I consider the best of my life. Have I found it yet? Would I know it if I saw it? Would they?
My family deserves more than the half-hearted attempts, the leftovers of my life. This man and girl I've been entrusted to love, they should have a wife and mama who is in fighting shape and who is ready to battle any force that threatens our home. Lord, lead me. I can't do this alone.
I read the many words impressed on others' hearts this year. Glorious themes that I wish He had burned on my own soul. Words like imperfect and depend, love and here. I covet those words, those journeys. I long to set my feet on those paths. Yet I am called to give. Not just outside my home, but first and foremost in it.
To give love...hugs and cuddles, words that build.
To give understanding...when he is crushed under the weight of school and she is held captive by pre-teen hormones.
To give help...when forms need completing, books need ordering, and papers need typing.
To give time...at the dinner table, at the homework table, and at the game table.
To give of myself instead of taking for myself.
The Year of Giving will be a challenge and I'm not sure I'm up to the task. I'm forever grateful that I know the One Who is.
(*lyrics from "Lead Me", by Sanctus Real)