December 11, 2012

December Thoughts

This space has been quiet for a while now.  I've been reluctant to put fingers to keyboard, to attempt words that could perhaps explain my absence - if anyone still reads and cares. There are a number of things I could write about...

~tears that threaten to brim my eyes constantly. When I set out the nativity Mama painted for me. When I hung my favorite set of ornaments from my childhood. When my girl decorated Dad's Christmas tree this weekend, just as she did with Mama each year. When I think about how strange it will be to gather in the church fellowship hall for a family Christmas gathering, with Mama's name etched in stone just a few feet away. When I can't help but wishing I'd known that last Christmas would be Mama's last Christmas.

~ a season that's been much busier than I've wanted it to be.

~that the parties and shopping have left me empty and craving something more. While I have prepared my home for Christmas, I've failed miserably in preparing my heart for Christ.

~the fact that 70° weather in December depresses me.

~the disappointment of a particular circumstance.  Being obedient to the Word of the Lord is sometimes difficult, even when I trust and believe that the outcome will be for my good. It reminds me that this is not my home, and for that I am so very thankful.

~the simpler, happier, more productive and less dramatic life I discover when I take a break from the internet.

~how much I'm enjoying Little Women, The Christ of Christmas, and Behold the Lamb of God: An Advent Narrative.

Trying to find words to expand upon these things either cheapens them or gives them more value than they deserve. And so, I return once again to my quiet and small life marked by an incredible and enormous God.

8 comments:

Kim Shay said...

The book by Boice looks good. I may have to add that to my wish list!

Diana Lovegrove said...

Melissa, my heart goes out to you this Christmas. It's clear from what you've shared that He is increasing your desire for more of Him, and that is the most blessed situation any of us can be in. Be blessed this Christmas, Melissa, may you know Immanuel is with you.

Leslie said...

I know this Christmas will be difficult as it's the first without your mother. I'm praying for you.

Trisha said...

Precious Melissa,
I can't begin to imagine the heartache of missing your Mama, especially this time of year! Thank you for giving us the blessing of knowing how to pray for you, of bearing this burden, even in some very small way, with you. My Mom is in very poor health, and we're just hoping and praying the LORD will allow us to be together again soon. She so wants to meet Elijah! My heart has been aching in many of the same ways yours has, and I'm praying you'll know joy, much joy, as you feast on His Word and meditate on His goodness and mercy and the glorious truth of the salvation He has poured out on us. {hugs}

findingthemotherlode said...

"Trying to find words to expand upon these things either cheapens them or gives them more value than they deserve. And so, I return once again to my quiet and small life marked by an incredible and enormous God."

I'm right there with you. Several attempts to write a blog post have fallen flat. But when God is stirring the pot, He's readying us to make room for more of Himself. I can't be distracted by lesser things.

Much love to you, Melissa. The tears, the hunger, the holy dissatisfaction--this is grace upon grace leading you to the Savior who has come to rescue us from our deepest gloom.

How He loves.

-E

Jill said...

Oh, I can only imagine how much you are missing your mom this Christmas. There's forever a hole in your heart. I am also trying to distance myself from being online and when I do stay away I get so much more done and feel so productive and focused. Yet, I keep coming back. There is a balance, I believe, and I'm working more toward finding it. Enjoy the rest of your week!

Aimee Byrd said...

This was such a meaningful blogpost. I echo Trisha's thanks for sharing how we can pray for you at this time. I pray that this season will be a reminder of your confession of hope (Heb. 10:23), that you will be encouraged as you look ahead to eternity with our Lord.

Becky said...

Melissa,

I am just reading this. And I wish I could give you a big hug.

I will keep you in my prayers (more specifically) and I love what Diana said,may you know Immanuel is with YOU.

About the words and the posting... I am trying to learn from you to pursue a quiet life.

Love you, sister.