February 28, 2012

A Seared Conscience

Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared...~1 Timothy 4:1-2
I listen to the words of Carl Trueman and even through the thick British accent and a muffled microphone the Spirit convicts. I want to jump right out of my seat, there in front of everyone, and run to the altar. I think of Isaiah. A depth of worship he had never known before forced him to cry out his sin and shame before the coal, white hot, seared his lips and burned away his sin.

The coals that have seared my conscience offer no such atonement. They are false gods, idols I have been too willing to worship. I have sacrificed my heart and my conscience on their deceptively beautiful altars.

They have consumed me.

how I spend my time

images and words that assault my heart

where I take my mind

Gradually, almost imperceptibly, I have been playing with the fires of this world.  Like Peter, I have sought their warmth.  I have drawn closer and closer seeking comfort. Numb to the pain and the acrid smell of my spirit burning.

In the face of a Holy God, I can only cry "Woe is me!" I beg Him to circumcise my heart, peel away the hardened flesh that is ugly and useless.

I am thankful for mercies that are new every morning.

For His Word that guides me in my new effort to keep my conscience sensitive,

instructs me to focus on the gospel and be saturated with the Truth,

tells me to stay away from the irreverent and silly myths that dominate our culture, and

encourages me to pursue godliness with my whole heart.

But more than these, I am thankful for His unending grace.

3 comments:

Lisa writes... said...

Thankful for grace too--and for the kindness of the Lord that exposes my sin and draws me to repentance! He is faithful!

Carrie said...

Amen to that!

Trisha said...

This is beautiful and convicting. And I love the tag you've labeled this one with..."The Woman I Want to Be."