June 18, 2009

Leaning on His Understanding

Last night, I was at the end of my rope. I was ready to forget this whole trip, stay home and feel sorry for myself. I'm trying to let go. Really, I am. But my work week has been horrendous. CJ's preteen attitude has been rearing its ugly head. And I'm tired of not seeing my man for more than 10 minutes a day. The enemy was more than glad to give me valid reasons to give up. Reasons I can understand, that make total sense. You see, going to Peru...I don't understand that at all.

I don't understand why God would call me

a small town girl who's scarcely traveled away from home
to leave my family behind for 10 days
to go to a foreign country
where I don't speak the language
to try to tell others, in just a few minutes, how Jesus saved my life
when I don't even walk across the street to do that.

I don't understand why God would choose me

a mother without much maternal instinct
to stay in a children's home
and minister in a holding tank for abandoned children.

I don't understand how God can use me

a broken vessel with such limitations
to spread His agape love
to a country that so desperately needs it
but no more than my own country, my own town.

I've tried to wrap my brain around it all, and I keep coming up short. It just doesn't make sense to me. Which, I know, is why He reminded me of a familiar verse this morning.

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. - Proverbs 3:5 (AMP)


Even though this journey makes no sense to me, it makes perfect sense to Him. And that's all I really need to know.





5 comments:

mholgate said...

I'll echo it back to you.

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Have a great trip Melissa. I'll be praying for you.

-Melissa

Carrie said...

Amazingly He seems to use us when we least expect it. Sometimes we just walk by faith and not by sight. I'll pray that you continue to do that in the days leading up to the trip!

Diana said...

Desperately uncertain in one's own abilities, devoid of all SELF confidence, sounds like the vessel is all emptied out and ready to be used in a powerful way to carry Jesus to a world that needs Him. It's going to be awesomely life changing... I can feel it.

His Girl said...

*sigh*

I just know there is so much beauty around the corner... can't wait to see what it is!!

praying, sis!

Jennifer, Snapshot said...

I hear ya. I loved how you wondered why he'd call you to Peru to share when you don't even go across the street. So so true (for me).

I know that it will be amazing. Hang in there.