Leaning on His Understanding

Last night, I was at the end of my rope. I was ready to forget this whole trip, stay home and feel sorry for myself. I'm trying to let go. Really, I am. But my work week has been horrendous. CJ's preteen attitude has been rearing its ugly head. And I'm tired of not seeing my man for more than 10 minutes a day. The enemy was more than glad to give me valid reasons to give up. Reasons I can understand, that make total sense. You see, going to Peru...I don't understand that at all.

I don't understand why God would call me

a small town girl who's scarcely traveled away from home
to leave my family behind for 10 days
to go to a foreign country
where I don't speak the language
to try to tell others, in just a few minutes, how Jesus saved my life
when I don't even walk across the street to do that.

I don't understand why God would choose me

a mother without much maternal instinct
to stay in a children's home
and minister in a holding tank for abandoned children.

I don't understand how God can use me

a broken vessel with such limitations
to spread His agape love
to a country that so desperately needs it
but no more than my own country, my own town.

I've tried to wrap my brain around it all, and I keep coming up short. It just doesn't make sense to me. Which, I know, is why He reminded me of a familiar verse this morning.

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. - Proverbs 3:5 (AMP)

Even though this journey makes no sense to me, it makes perfect sense to Him. And that's all I really need to know.