For one thing, I realize that I may unintentionally paint a portrait that everything's always peachy keen in our home. I've told R several times lately that I feel like we are in the midst of an especially sweet season of life. If you could peek into our home, you'd hear yelling some days (mostly me) and frustrated sighs (again, mostly me). You'd see unfinished projects and unpaid bills. But you'd also see a family that, at its heart, loves Jesus and each other.
We are not perfect. I am not perfect. As I commented to Meredith on her post (which, along with the comments, is a great read) I try to be real...to share some struggles, while being careful to honor my husband and our family.
I did open up about this particular event because I hope it will encourage others. God can take a horrible sin and use it for His glory. Would I have chosen for CJ to see pornography? Of course not. Do I wish I had been able to have "the talk" with her on my terms and in my time? Surely, I do. Am I angry that Satan robbed me of that right? You better believe it.
But God...
I have seen Him use this for our good. CJ & I have had many talks after that first day. Everything from choosing friends (remember her tug-of-war analogy? That conversation was a response to this event) to following God's plan for your life. It's an ongoing dialogue. I never know when she'll be prompted to ask a question, so I'm rarely prepared. She keeps me on my toes, this precious girl of mine.
One of my first prayers was for God to protect CJ's mind, and for her to realize that what she saw had absolutely nothing to do with love or God's plan for marriage. Given our current culture, that's a daily battle. Take, for example, the "family" tv show CJ tuned into last week:
We'll go out. He'll get into my bed. Then, all of a sudden, it will be a relationship.
The world has so cheapened God's gift to husbands and wives that we don't value it as the priceless treasure it is. And if we don't, how will our children?
This experience has stressed to me the great importance of being vigilant in my watch over my daughter. Not to imprison her, but to free her. To teach her to stand for God's Word. To guide her to be a woman who, above all else, honors Him. To help her seek Him and find the Promised Land and blessings He has in store.
It's the desire of my heart for my girl, and I won't accept anything less.
Memorize these laws and think about them. Write down copies and tie them to your wrists and your foreheads to help you obey them. Teach them to your children. Talk about them all the time--whether you're at home or walking along the road or going to bed at night, or getting up in the morning. Write them on the door frames of your homes and on your town gates. Then you and your descendants will live a long time in the land that the LORD promised your ancestors. Your families will live there as long as the sky is above the earth.Deut. 11:18-21 (CEV)
8 comments:
First, that particular scripture is so motivating... and you know what? this story has inspired some very real changes and conversations in this house.
Thank you for taking the risk and sharing so we could learn the lessons inside.
Thank you for being so honest and open---I truly believe that God wants us to escape the burden of putting on perfect masks to hide behind. Blessings to you and your family as He leads you through this.
What rich thoughts.
I SO love to dwell on "But God. . . ."
(and on a less spiritual note -- the sighing and yelling -- it happens here too).
Amen and Amen! I admire your honesty and your willingness to be vulnerable... as well as your fierce determination to take what Satan meant for evil and see the Lord use it for good. Keep on keeping on!
I came here by way of your book review. What a heart-wrenching experience. As a mom of three under five my heart aches for them to love & pursue the Lord while fleeing from evil. It is not easy to protect them at every turn b/c we can't keep them in a bubble, nor is it my goal to isolate them, just to insulate them. It seems you dealt with this issue with grace. Parenting is such a challenge.
Yelling and sighing over here too...and it's mostly me as well.
Thanks (again) for your honesty and vulnerability...I know He will use your story to encourage us all as we seek to raise children who love and serve the Lord...
I appreciate your transparency in sharing the different parts of this story. We live in a world that wants to steal our children's innocence at every turn. Thank you for reminding us all that we have to be hyper-vigilant in our roles as guardians of our children.
You know, Melissa, I'm sorry you've had to walk through this with CJ, but I truly believe that God will redeem it. And it sounds like some restoration has already begun in your conversations and in your heightened sense of guarding her precious life.
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